Philanthropist October 30, 2006

Philanthropist… this is the word that comes to my mind when I think about as a child what I wanted to become when I grow up. It was not my plan to become just a philanthropist (wanted to do much more), though I admired philanthropists like Dale Carnegie after reading books written by them. Rather, I imagined a Utopia in which everyone who lives here is a philanthropist and altruist. At least, after reading Dale Carnegie, one should practice what is written there wholeheartedly and not just use the techniques for becoming a salesperson or whatever…

When I was young, I came across the following saying… “If you make at least yourself sincere, you have changed at least one person in the world”. After reading this, I conjured up a formula for making this world a Utopia. Just think and behave as if you are interacting with a perfect world and be perfect yourself. That’s where I went wrong. Being blind to imperfections of this world does not create the Utopia we all deserve in which the society owes you a husband and once you choose/get your husband, you take care of your husband and family and have your sweet home.

For some of us, the story is different. Even God did not create a perfect world. There are flaws even in His creation. We want beautiful gardens, which in we can water the beautiful plants and be a part of. But some of us get dangerous forests full of harmful snakes. This writes a different page in our lives’ stories… and there the difference starts… we cannot help it… but we can definitely fight it and not make it the last page in our lives’ stories. We can definitely unite and get rid of the feeling that we are alone. This is just a move in life’s game played by some imperfection in God’s creation. But we have our chance to play too. We will make our moves too. And when we are together, helping and encouraging one another, our strength multiplies. God is with us and we know that. He is always on the side of the right, that is our strength in this game and our aim is to get the final victory.

For me, each ‘hi’ in our group messages says “I am there for you…… I know how you feel….. I am your best friend….. let’s try to do it together”. We can move mountains when we unite and make a combined effort. LET US CHANGE LIVES.

I am not saying this is any less difficult a task than moving mountains. Let us all become more active in the group and also reach all those who need us and let us proudly say “Together We Bond”.

By Vishalakshi

Musings… October 26, 2006

Ironical but there it is….my court date is on the same date as my ex-’s birthday. We never celebrated birthdays or anything together as he said it triggered negativity within him. Too long a story to go into, in any case all that is in the past.

What struck me was over the last three years of separation all these dates would get me depressed. I would retreat into a shell and analyze everything that occurred, beat myself over things I think could have been done to save that marriage, feel guilty for all that I did in the past. Not anymore. I still think but not to feel guilty or depressed.

I think about the good times, the bad times and move on.

They are just dates after all and dates don’t rule my life.

The people who love me, who have stood by me through thick and thin, people who have told me “it’s ok this is life and tomorrow will be better. Just get up and walk we are there to help you stand in case you fall,” these are the people who rule my life.

Not people, psychotic perhaps for whom no sacrifice was too great, no love was enough, people who always wanted more, who wanted to take away “me” as a person and replace it with a living senseless obedient robot.

I am at peace today.

True, my divorce looks like a long way off.

True, I still find people giving me strange looks when I say I am separated and awaiting a divorce like it is all my fault.

True, I feel like a criminal for something I did not commit every time I step into a court.

True, my friends are all happily married and some with kids of their own.

But it is true too that today I am a woman with self-respect, peace and living life again with positivism and love.

Just believe in LIFE.

Just live LIFE

Remember life is too short for the ifs and buts. Listen to your heart and head too and believe in yourself.

God Bless.

By Jamais Moi Meme

Incredible News—Domestic Violence Crucified October 25, 2006

Ladies there is some incredible great news to share. It has finally been passed.

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 has come into effect. Ministry of Women and Child Development has issued a notification to bring it into force from as early as 26th October, 06.

This Act was passed last year and was assented to by our very Honorable President on 13th September, 2005.

This is the Golden Day for Womenhood and Humanity and it will be marked in history

Please read the following. It says it all.

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 will come into effect from tomorrow. Ministry of Women and Child Development has issued a notification to bring it into force from 26th October, 06. The Act was passed by the Parliament in August last year and assented to by the president on 13th September, 2005. But implementation was pending as detailed consultation were required with the State and other agencies for framing the rules.

Primarily meant to provide protection to the wife or female live-in partner from violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or his relatives, the law also extends its protection to women who are sisters, widows or mothers. Domestic violence under the act includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic.

Harassment by way of unlawful dowry demands to the woman or her relatives would also be covered under this definition.

The Ministry has simultaneously issued another notification laying down the rules framed for the implementation of the Act. These rules provide for, among other things, appointment of protection officers, service providers and counselors. Action to be taken in the event of the respondent breaching the protection order passed by the Magistrate in favour of the aggrieved woman is also prescribed in these rules. Both the notifications will become available on the Ministry’s website www.wcd.nic.in from 26th October.

Smt. Renuka Chowdhury, Minister of State for Women and Child Development has said that the Bill will go a long way to provide relief to the women from domestic violence and get their due. The Ministry has requested all State Governments and Union Territories to ensure that the necessary administrative arrangements are immediately put in place for the commencement of the Act, she added.

The salient features of the Protection from Domestic Violence Bill, 2005 are as follows:

• The Bill seeks to cover those women who are or have been in a relationship with the abuser where both parties have lived together in a shared household and are related by consanguinity, marriage or a relationship in the nature of marriage, or adoption; in addition relationship with family members living together as a joint family are also included. Even those women who are sisters, widows, mothers, single women, or living with the abuser are entitled to get legal protection under the proposed Bill.
• `Domestic violence’ includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse that is physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and economic. Harassment by way of unlawful dowry demands to the woman or her relatives would also be covered under this definition.
• One of the most important features of the Bill is the woman’s right to secure housing. The Bill provides for the woman’s right to reside in the matrimonial or shared household, whether or not she has any title or rights in the household. This right is secured by a residence order, which is passed by a court. These residence orders cannot be passed against anyone who is a woman.
• The other relief envisaged under the Bill is that of the power of the court to pass protection orders that prevent the abuser from aiding or committing an act of domestic violence or any other specified act, entering a workplace or any other place frequented by the abused, attempting to communicate with the abused, isolating any assets used by both the parties and causing violence to the abused, her relatives and others who provide her assistance from the domestic violence.
• The draft Bill provides for appointment of Protection Officers and NGOs to provide assistance to the woman w.r.t medical examination, legal aid, safe shelter, etc.
• The Bill provides for breach of protection order or interim protection order by the respondent as a cognizable and non-bailable offence punishable with imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year or with fine which may extend to twenty thousand rupees or with both.

Similarly, non-compliance or discharge of duties by the Protection Officer is also sought to be made an offence under the Act with similar punishment.

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This will provide immense relief to all those women who endure physical abuse. Legally also it will give them their due and rights. To some extent it will put an end to the atrocities the woman/wife/live-in partner suffers at the hands of a violent man. It will safeguard and benefit marriages and relationships from violent domestic abuse.

A man will think not once or twice but a Million times before raising his hand on any woman. Not only him but also the instigators mostly his relatives, will also be in trouble for any violent abuse physically or even verbally hurled on the woman. Thus, it will safeguard, benefit and restore the tranqulity of marriages and relationships from any violent domestic abuse.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank all the people who have worked selflessly day and night to make this possible. It is solely their efforts that this milestone has been achieved. Also to the President and our government who were instrumental in passing this and bringing it into effect.

The Dynamic Victorious Act is here …..for a Better Tomorrow

Spread the word……to Save the indian familes, Save the indian women, Save the children, Save the mankind for a very Bright Future

By Preeti

Hunted down-finally October 24, 2006

After years of relentless exertion and efforts of numerous officials from all walks of life, infinite media exposure & support, treaties that were signed between countries and finally NOW comes the implementation part. The most awaited part of the whole process. The day has finally arrived and it is here, that will bring relief to all those battered wives who were victims of NRI fraudulent marriages, who have waited for years patiently. Their prayers have finally been answered.

The time has come for the absconding NRI husbands to come back to their home country India to face trail. The home coming time is here.

1)The first one to return will be Vegi Raju Venkata Suryanarayana Raju. A case was booked against him in Connecticut in US after his wife Aruna’s father, a resident of Sri Nagar Colony, lodged a complaint.

2) A red corner notice was issued recently against Saheedar Seshagiri, a software engineer in New Jersey, who allegedly harassed his wife for dowry. CID booked a case against him after his wife Dr D. Sirisha’s parents lodged a complaint. US officials impounded his passport on the letter
given by CID.

3) A red corner notice was issued against Eddepalli Prabhakar Reddy, a native of Anantapur residing in US, for bigamy and cruelty against women.

Interpol aids AP husband-hunt

Hyderabad, Oct. 20: Interpol has issued a record 300 red corner notices to help Andhra Pradesh police trace NRI husbands who are wanted for harassing their wives. In fact, majority of the suspects being hunted by the AP police in foreign countries are crooked hubbies. Extradition of about 27 of these suspects is in the final stages and one of them is to be sent back to the State very soon by the United States authorities.

CID deputy-inspector general S. Umapati said that the ministry of external affairs had forwarded extradition papers in several other cases to countries such as the US and the UK. “The US federal government has sent them to States where the NRI husbands are hiding,” he said. The first suspect being send back to India is Vegi Raju Venkata Suryanarayana Raju. A case was booked against him in Connecticut in US after his wife Aruna’s father, a resident of Sri
Nagar Colony, lodged a complaint.

Curiously enough, there are only a handful of suspects wanted in cheating and murder cases hiding abroad. Almost 90 per cent of the red corner notices issue by the Interpol was for cheating husbands. For instance, a red corner notice was issued recently against Saheedar Seshagiri, a software engineer in New Jersey, who allegedly harassed his wife for dowry.

CID booked a case against him after his wife Dr D. Sirisha’s parents lodged a complaint. US officials impounded his passport on the letter given by CID. Last month, a red corner notice was issued against Eddepalli Prabhakar Reddy, a native of Anantapur residing in US, for bigamy and cruelty against women. “Most of these cases involve harassment of brides for dowry,” said N. Radha, a marriage counsellor. “In some cases, the husbands have abandoned their wives.
There have been instances of wives discovering that their husbands had other wives abroad”.

Some wives who went abroad were subjected to physical and mental torture by the husbands. Others found themselves out of wedlock through ex-parte divorce. A top police officer said that extradition of criminals from the US had become easier after the signing of the mutual legal assistance treaty in 2001. “AP police has got much expertise in extradition process,” he said. “The extradition of Krushi scamster Kosaraju Venkateswara Rao from Thailand was a
milestone”.

Mr Umapathi pointed out that though Punjab had the largest number of cases relating to NRI husbands ditching their wives it was for AP that the most number of red corner notices were issued. “The trauma that abandoned wives and their families undergo is terrible,” he said. “In some cases, NRI husbands patch up with their in-laws after notices are issued”. Even if one such NRI husband was brought back to face trial, it would send a strong message, he added.

Thanks to the efforts of CID deputy-inspector general S.Umapati who has made this possible. He is right, that even if one NRI husband were taken to task by the law, justice would eventually be served to that one woman. This will give optimism to several other victims who have gone through the tedious waiting process for decades unwearyingly, that justice will be served to them also someday soon….very very soon.

Hope our Indian media will once again continue to cover these cases with zeal and sincerity so that these culprits realize that they are under sharp public scrutiny also.

By Ash

Some respite for NRI wives October 23, 2006

I keep coming across of NRI fraudulent marriages all the time, more and more such of these incidents are daily reported to various organizations and some even appear in news sections. Women are held enslaved by their NRI husbands in his house, cut off from the world outside or even thrown out in the middle of the cold night with no money or financial aid by their NRI husbands in foreign lands. All of these are some sadistic ways to torture his wife.

The reasons are several… either non-fulfillment of dowry demands, or the woman questions her husband when she discovers that her husband already had a previous wife, or the husband is a divorcee and hid this fact from her, or he married her only for money, or the wives realizes the bitter truth that she was lied to that she could work. All this creates disputes and the consequences are severe that she is tormented easily because she has no family of hers in the foreign land and is totally at the mercy of her husband.

But with the relentless endeavors of Girija Vyas, NCW and many more who are dedicated to bring the culprits to India to face trial. She was recently in UK on a 5-day successful trip and held talks with officials in the Indian high commission in UK. This could also result in setting up of a welfare cell soon that will act as a resource centre for victims. She pressed for a protocol to protect victims of dowry harassment and domestic violence in NRI marriages.

This is what British foreign and commonwealth office (FCO) had to say : “They found that a large number of Pakistanis and Bangladeshis were victims of “forced marriages”, but complaints from Indians range from abandonment, dowry harassment to domestic violence.

Officials stress the need for coordination between offices in the two countries”.

Girija Vyas suggested “that NCW, in coordination with the ministry of overseas Indian affairs(MOIA), share data on men and women migrating to the UK after marriage and a similar list be given by the British counterparts to India. This will thus protect victims of dowry harassment and domestic violence in NRI marriages.”

After the powerful seminar held by Anu Peshawar in Delhi and massive awareness by MOIA , all of this has already created a stir and nervousness amongst the perpetrators. And now with this good news and plan by Girija Vyas, it has frustrated and aggravated them no end and they are running to hide. I can clearly see them faltering and little do they realize that the world is round and one day they will have to return to India to face the trail.

For more details and good news read here

Seems like this Diwali has got some respite for all NRI wives.

By Ash

Another New Day October 21, 2006

Another new day

It is a new sky again
And a new earth
After spending the night
In the lap of the deepest darkness
Curling up like a baby
In the vastness of the clusters of stars

I am thankful to the night
For bringing the darkness so deep
That brings the brightness
Of the distant stars to me,
And to the moon
For bringing a poem to my heart

The sun rises again
With a promise of a new day
Smiling at each new flower
Caressing them with the warmth of his rays
Making them rejoice for
They have taken birth
Into a world where they can see his grandeur
To their heart’s content.

By Vishalakshi

Wish all of you readers a Very Joyous & Prosperous Diwali!

Justice has been served October 18, 2006

After 10 years justice has finally been served to a victim and her family. The wait has been long, full of obstacles but justice happened and the battle has been won.

The Delhi High Court convicted the son of a senior police officer, Santosh Kumar Singh, for raping and brutally killing 23-year-old law student Priyadarshini Mattoo in 1996. A truly historical judgment.

Without the untiring efforts of the CBI and medias campaign for justice in the Priyadarshini Mattoo murder case, Santosh would not have been convicted. With these kinds of judgments there will be a sense of fear instilled in the minds of people who take the legal system for granted and they think they can get away with it. This bit of good news that justice has been served, I think restores faith of the common man in the Indian Judiciary and legal system. A verdict of this nature will also be like a disincentive to the children of legal officials and ministers who take the law in their hands and get away scot-free. Like the case of Manu Sharma-Jessica murder case

Says CBI Director Vijay Shanker who played a very crucial role in getting justice “Terming the conviction of Santosh Singh for the rape and murder of Priyadarshini Mattoo as a “benchmark” for CBI officials and trial courts, the verdict would go a long way in restoring the people’s faith in the criminal justice system.

“The CBI welcomes the long-awaited judgement that the Delhi High Court gave today. We have pressed for the maximum punishment for the guilty and we will strive for the death penalty for him,” Shanker said.

Shanker had made it a personal endeavour to ensure speedy justice in the Mattoo case immediately after taking over as CBI director. “The stand of the CBI has finally been vindicated,” he said.

Reaction of the Father: “Finally justice has been delivered,” said an exuberant Chaman Lal Mattoo on hearing of the conviction of Santosh Singh for raping and killing his daughter Priyadarshani Mattoo 10 years ago.

“I can’t express myself. I have no words to express how I feel. I can’t get absolute joy because my daughter is not there. But we’re grateful to God. This verdict has been sent by her from above.

Well said and done. Justice is served.

Justice delayed for a DIL who hails from a judicial family October 16, 2006

Is it plausible that a daughter-in-law belonging to the chief justice’s family would also be tortured for dowry?

Moreover if he girl is also an educated management student and still is being harassed for dowry?

Can you imagine the audacity of the husband’s side that dared to demand dowry?

And

Still no arrests have been made!!! Wonder wonder…..hmmmm!!!

Aarti Kara, granddaughter-in-law of the former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Ranganath Misra, has demanded immediate arrest of her husband and mother-in-law for torturing her for dowry.

“I have full faith in the judiciary and police. But I fail to understand why no action has been initiated against those who tortured me,” she said.

If this is the plight if an educated woman coming from an affluent background and justice is still delayed to her,… then can we imagine what would be the saga of uneducated women? What would be the predicament of rural women? What would be the plight of women coming from poor families who are harassed for dowry ruthlessly?

This is the instance of one urban educated woman who has come forward to report her case, but there are several cases that go unreported and are hushed up. The reason they go unreported is because most of them are embarrassed to admit they are victims of domestic violence and severe dowry harassment lest it blemish their image –an image that goes with them that they are strong independent educated women to whom no harm can be done and would not tolerate injustice. How ironical though, that it is expected of them to be independent but still tolerate domestic and dowry harassment!!!

BUT the fact of the matter is that most of them are reluctant and apprehensive to come forward and admit it. Reasons are many …fear, social stigma, hope against hope to save their marriage, denial, suppression or susceptibility towards the situation or vulnerability.

There are many women out there, who endure this maltreat silently for various reasons cited above. Dowry practice seems to be only rising because people have their own vested hidden interests and we have a long way to go before we stop this terrorism of extorting money.

By PurpleA

Travel and Leisure October 11, 2006

Gear up for some fun times…..

I have been reading all the articles on the site with interest and also the equally interesting feedback and comments for the authors and others. So now comes something quite different…

Planning and ENJOYING vacations being single and with kids can be a daunting thought. Planning a vacation by myself with the kids seemed so scary to me at first. But I was determined to test it out. Since our first holiday by ourselves to Paris we have also been to Kenya, Amsterdam, Venice and numerous locations in Switzerland. Since we also travel to India atleast once a year we have also been to many places there like Coorg, Vythri, Mysore, Trivandrum… Here are some tips for the single parent or even if you are travelling alone:

1. Plan ahead for the best prices and the most convenient timings. If you are travelling by road print maps etc in advance and speak to people who have been that route before. They can have some amazing tips. If you are travelling in India by road, choose the car and driver carefully!!
2. Book a hotel in advance. A decent one located close to the places you would like to visit is best. It need not be fancy but it should be clean and safe. Don’t take any chances with the hotel, a good reference from friends who have travelled or a good guidebook like lonely planet is a must.
3. Travel light!!
4. Plan for the evenings. After a nice full and tiring day, kids like to relax in the hotel, may be watch a movie or play games like cards or other board games, read, draw, etc. Be prepared and carry what you need to keep them entertained.
5. Plan what you will be doing in advance in a way that there is variety for them and for you. Museums are not normally the most exciting places for the kids so club it with something more fun for them. Don’t plan to see too many places in a day. Its better to spend time sitting around in roadside cafes and by the riverside etc than rushing from one ‘spot’ to another.
6. Carry some snacks and water in your backpack and get the kids to carry some too. You never know how far food can be sometimes and how inedible too!!!
7. Invest in a good guidebook. Personally I love the Lonely Planet guidebooks. Maps and telephone numbers etc
8. Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. First aid-to be carried, credit cards and travel documents-to be kept very safely, carry as little money as needed, keep the kids close and tell them what to do if they are separated from you, give them mobile phones if possible, dress appropriately and prepare for the local weather
9. Making friends. Sometimes it is comforting to make friends and tag along but be careful and do that only if the other group also really wants that. Sometimes it’s more fun to spend the time with yourself and the kids alone. Be wise in choosing.
10. Don’t be nervous, as the kids can smell your fears. Be cheerful and you will spread happiness and cheer around!!

Enjoy ….

By Prakruti

‘Others’–the Chosen Ones October 9, 2006

No one gets married with the intention to get separated or divorced. Everyone looks forward to having a “happily married life” and ”lived happily there after”.

But sometimes there are different things planned for us by the Lord up there. Some marriages come to an end ….a very bitter tragic end. Whether we like it or no we must accept it. The reasons could be many….maybe we are settling our debts from the last birth or maybe we are the Lord’s chosen ones because he is judging us to see how we over come this crisis or maybe he tosses turbulent situations at us so that we emerge stronger and wiser.

I yet feel even after separation some dignity should be maintained by both in order to move on graciously in life and I practice the same. I don’t like to talk about my bitter experience by criticizing, deriding and stating personal things about my separated spouse. Even I can go on and on about my sob sob story!! But what is the use of that? I see several spaces where people mention such personal bitter things about their failed relationship and marriage life it really appalls me. It is so immature and childish. What is the rationale behind that? Whatever happened to ‘let bygones be bygones’ or rather some people like to ‘wash dirty linen in public’.

Passer bys will read their personal things on their website and move on. Is there any purpose served? Whatever little dignity could have been saved and earned is washed out totally. Ok I can understand that some want to give vent to their side of pent up feelings but definitely it can be done with some poise and refinement and thus maintain some respect and sanctity to the once relationship called ‘marriage’.

I’ve put things behind me since I don’t have much choice but I thank God all the time that I came out of the situation alive (infact thank God everyday for it) and most important sensibility intact.

Though the big “why” always bothers me till date, as to why did this separation happened to me? Why I could not have a normal married life? Why I could not be happily married? But I just console myself that I must have done something erroneous in my last birth as am paying for it now. I thank my Lord that I have wonderful parents and friends who have love me unconditionally and been there for me. I cannot thank them enough ever.

I still can’t believe that this happened to me as my previous-naive-blissfully-ignorant attitude was that bad things such as ‘marriage turning sour’ cannot happen to me…they happen to others only…until thunder struck and I realized harshly that I am the “others” in this lifetime. The chosen one!!!

“ they lived happily ever after” came crashing down all around me.

We all have some principles in life; it’s easy to abide by them when times are good. But the real testing of abiding by our set principles and values is during turbulent times of trial. How we sail through them with our set principles in place , is what is crucial to me to move on in life with my conscious clear.

By PurpleA