Better & Lighter after 30 February 19, 2007

It is always a delight to meet like-minded women personally from the same walks of life and with whom we interact frequently on the internet. We have so much in common from our past that when we met this weekend, it was no coincidence that we shared similar likes and dislikes, tastes and had the same views on life and the same status, the most sought after cherished status: SINGLE. Oh yaaaa…most of us have had to go through an ordeal to achieve this treasured status (once again).

All of us were in sync that life only begins after age 30. There is something special to it, which only when one has achieved the 30 can perceive.

I will give a practical example: When we travel from India to USA and if are overloaded with extra baggage then the airport attendant asks us to do away with certain kilos from our total baggage weight. And there at that point, we start deciding what to take and what to discard. What we discard is excess baggage. The excess baggage that we can do without and we don’t need. The excess baggage that we can comfortably be without. And at age 30 most of us have gladly discarded our excess baggage and we are thus lighter and carry only the vital stuff with us i.e. our zesty attitude & freedom.

And now for those who have not understood what I mean, well when you turn 28 or 29 and feel burdened, trapped, harassed, tortured and depressed, it will dawn

So….some of us fine ladies decided to meet and paint the town red this weekend with our antics. A weekend of fun and frolic and naughtiness. We met at a common place and stayed the night at one friend’s home closest to some hot spots, happening places and clubs here in the east coast. The snowfall from earlier this week and the cold weather created the perfect ambience for the eventful weekend. A bunch of 30 somethings have a lot to speak and share. Adventures galore…!! We brunched and dined and had some fine red wine. And in the night we partied until the wee hours of the morning. Being the Valentine weekend there was no dearth of single men who considered themselves blessed (oh yaaaaa…) when we obliged to shake a leg with them.

I suggest to all members in their cities to meet up, socialize and chill. As Prakruti says too “Life is lovely, if you know how to live it!!!”

No doubt life gets only better and lighter after 30. Got it???

By Sripriya

Loneliness or LOVELINESS!!! February 8, 2007

The decision to break a marriage is a serious one. There are many important considerations-love, family, kids, finances, living, life itself!!! Post divorce solitude is something that most women dread. Is it better to have a wife battering, disrespectful, mama’s boy, kind of guy in your life or not to have anyone at all…. is sometimes the question. To all those women out there struggling to find an answer here are a few tips…

Well lesson number one……

Like yourself and your own company, irrespective of whether you have a nice hubby or not. This is the best gift you can give yourself and the results are great. I can promise you there will be a time when all you want is a couple of hours with yourself.

How can you do that?? Well, a friend told me once, if you break it down, every individual is made up of MIND, BODY, HEART and SOUL. Each one of these has its own needs. The mind needs peace and calm, stimulation of intellect, seeks knowledge and wisdom. The heart seeks gratification of emotions; love, sympathy, understanding, compassion, and needs to both give and take. As long as your feelings are genuine, don’t shy away from them. Don’t worry about the future, sometimes we all do, will this last, will I always feel like this etc. Take the moments of happiness that come your way, as long they don’t hurt some others. Don’t neglect your body it has needs too. Take care of it, you have only one life, feel beautiful and you will be beautiful. Luxuriate in your bath and paint your toenails and don’t forget to exercise and eat healthy!!! The soul has its needs and we tend to recognise its mystic musings late in life. At least I didn’t feel it even existed before. Meditation helps you connect with life itself. True bliss I am told comes from the soul and not the body, mind or the heart!!! Yet to see it happen though!!

There is no doubt that a beautiful relationship can completely transform your life. The writer and Poet Khalil Gibran said about love…

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

So if you find love take it and then be open to its highs and lows…the laughter and the tears!!!

Sometimes we neglect the value of having a driving interest in our life- a hobby if you like….music, song and dance, cooking, gardening, stitching, a sport, anything that truly refreshes you and makes you want to do more, better and new things in your area of interest!! I was so terrified of water and finally learnt to swim only a few years back. But I took an advanced course after the beginners and find that I completely enjoy it. A trip to Goa is so much more different now after I learnt to swim!! So there goes, if there is something you would like to try, do it now and do it for yourself!!

I have been divorced for over a year now and the first few months were devastating. But with time and help from friends and family and my kids, I am truly enjoying the freedom and the independence and peace!!

Life is lovely, if you know how to live it!!!

By Prakruti

Indian Marriage Stamp–is YOUR passport stamped? February 2, 2007

It is getting better and better for us and tougher and tougher for all the NRI men who have all these years been sadistically enjoying the “holiday syndrome”, its benefits, its perks and the free fat dowry that comes with it. The process of marrying a desi naïve girl, grab the dowry, and dumping her will soon be a thing of the past. It is time to face the law of the land. HOW? The lady that he marries needs to have passport her stamped with the details such as date and place of marriage and most important WHO she has married which will provide her legal sanctity in the foreign country where she can prove (if the need arises) that she is the legally wedded wife and not visiting for tourism purposes.

All those sly NRI men who claim that they want to marry a desi girl to retain the culture…crap crap crap and once they marry, receive the fat dowry—what they actually seek, then in no time desert and dump their wives viciously. Numerous such NRI men who have committed these heinous acts are now absconding, in fact several of them have gone into hiding ever since the red alert notices were issued. Several of them have legal trails waiting for them in India but refuse to come to face them, and ironically still claim to be innocent!!!

Newly wedded brides from India must insist on having their passports stamped and also check the background of the boy, research his family background from his neighborhood. The WCD suggests once the marriage has taken place, the bride and her family members must be adamant on registering the marriage.

The suggestion has been received with some resistance from NRI men. WHY? What is there to be afraid of? Why are they nervous? Are their intentions not clear? Are their thoughts not honest? Do they have surreptitious cunning motives? What are those? Marry and dump? Seek fat dowry? Dump? Marry again? Again seek dowry?

Well well….. time to get the passport stamped where you can boast of being part of sacred pact called – Marriage!!!…..Ahhh…..Indian Marriage

Details are as follows……….

NEW DELHI: Indian women who marry NRIs will now get legal proof of their wedlock if the government has its way.

The ministries of women and child development (WCD) and overseas Indian affairs are pushing for a mandatory certification of marriage on the wife’s passport.

A substantial number of Indian marriages are not registered and therefore do not have legal sanctity.

This makes it easy for NRIs to desert or abandon their wives or withhold alimony on the pretext that the marriage is not legal.

Under the proposal, the WCD ministry wants a stamp on the woman’s passport certifying that she is married and not merely leaving the country for tourism purposes.

The proposal was discussed at a recent meeting between WCD minister Renuka Chowdhury and overseas Indian affairs minister Vayalar Ravi.

The WCD ministry had suggested last year that registration of marriages be made compulsory but it met stiff resistance from the law ministry.

“We are still demanding that marriage registration be made mandatory for all religions, at least in states where NRI marriages are incre-asing. But till such a legislation comes through, we are also looking for other options,”a source said.

The ministry is also planning amendments in Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code which details mental and physical cruelty against a wife and reasons for desertion. “We want to strengthen the Act,”the source said.

The government will also work on pacts with other countries to get husbands who have abandoned their wives in India deported.

The ministries are keen to harmonise legislation with countries like US and UK – that have a substantial Indian diaspora – so that Indians would be tried under Indian laws.

The impact could be far-reaching – the Indian diaspora includes over 16 lakh people in the US and around 12 lakh in the UK.

Officials said an increasing number of complaints were received from states like Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Gujarat, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Kerala of girls being abandoned or cheated by their NRI husbands.

The complaints from residents of Punjab, Haryana and Delhi deal with abandonment, abuse, unmet dowry demands and lack of awareness while women from south Indian states like Andhra and Kerala are taken to the Gulf on the excuse of marriage only to be pushed into prostitution or forced to work as housemaids in pathetic conditions.

By Vidhya M.S