Hey is your phone ringing?? March 12, 2007

Being a frequent visitor of moia and ncw sites, recently I came across something interesting that is damn good news for Indian women deserted by NRI men. Point to be noted…more applicable to the notorious class of NRI men on H1 visa who are famously infamous for the huge racket called Fraudulent NRI marriages. NRI fraudulent marriages.

This bit of superb news is something that will hit them so hard that all doors will be closed on them now. They have been cornered already by the red alert notices and more now with the following:

Go on and read here for all the details :

Welfare of Indian Women Married to NRIs/PIOs

38.10: The Committee was told by large sections of the Diaspora about the need to prevent abuse of Indian women married to NRIs/PIOs. We strongly recommend that a special cell should be created in the proposed new organization to handle Diaspora issues with the mandate to assist in the provision of free legal counseling for the families of girls contemplating marriage to NRIs/PIOs. Such families should be advised to check the voter or alien registration card of such NRIs/PIOs, their social security number and tax returns for the preceding three years. The bridegroom should be asked to given them an affidavit stating his current marital status. That document should be attached to the application for marriage registration. This should be mandatory prerequisite to the issuance of a marriage registration certificate. This procedure would considerably bring down cases of misinformation and fraudulent marriages. The Committee has drawn strength from the Supreme Court decision in the case of Smt. Neeraja Saraph vs. Shri Jayant Saraph, where the court had suggested the need to consider legislation safeguarding the interests of women. It has suggested three specific provisions namely,

1) No marriage between an NRI and an Indian Woman, which has taken place in India, may be annulled by a foreign court

2) Provision may be made for adequate alimony to the wife in the property of the husband both in India and abroad

3) The decree granted by Indian courts may be made executable in foreign courts both on the principle of comity and by entering into reciprocal agreements like section 4A of the Civil Procedure Code which makes a foreign decree executable as it would have been a decree passed by the court.

If the above comes through and is implemented, then any scope or fancy desire to remarry subsequent to unceremoniously dumping the Indian wife and that also after gulping a big fat dowry, will now only be a desire that will cease to exist.

Because India is NOT going to accept divorces that are granted in foreign land. With that the NRI man can forget about the alternative to remarry in this lifetime.

If this was not enough, go on and read here — SCHEME FOR THE WELFARE OF WOMEN DESERTED BY THEIR OVERSEAS INDIAN SPOUSES

The objective of the scheme is to provide some financial assistance to needy women in distress who have been deserted by their overseas Indian spouses for obtaining counseling and legal services. The term “Overseas Indian” would include NRIs and foreign citizens of Indian origin.

The NRIs on H1s and their heinous crimes are being uncovered everyday, and more aid is coming for the Indian woman harassed/tortured in foreign land.

The holiday marriage syndrome that came with a fat dowry is nearing its painful death. I can visualize the H1 dowry-seeking culprits now calling their wives and pleading her to return. Ever since the red alert notices have been declared, the pleadings have increased. Needless to say with this scheme, it is going to happen twice as more. As it is no ADCD woman gives the time of her day to even glance at the H1 man who dips his tortilla chips twice in salsa (yikes). And why will any other sane intelligent woman marry a guy who is not legally divorced and ask for trouble!!

With no option of remarriage in India, the only option left for the NRI man and his cult is to call back the wife, seek forgiveness and beg her to come back.

My estranged half is calling me non-stop and trying to strike a deal with me since the past couple of months.

Hey….is your phone ringing?? Check it out

By Kiran

Indian Marriage Stamp–is YOUR passport stamped? February 2, 2007

It is getting better and better for us and tougher and tougher for all the NRI men who have all these years been sadistically enjoying the “holiday syndrome”, its benefits, its perks and the free fat dowry that comes with it. The process of marrying a desi naïve girl, grab the dowry, and dumping her will soon be a thing of the past. It is time to face the law of the land. HOW? The lady that he marries needs to have passport her stamped with the details such as date and place of marriage and most important WHO she has married which will provide her legal sanctity in the foreign country where she can prove (if the need arises) that she is the legally wedded wife and not visiting for tourism purposes.

All those sly NRI men who claim that they want to marry a desi girl to retain the culture…crap crap crap and once they marry, receive the fat dowry—what they actually seek, then in no time desert and dump their wives viciously. Numerous such NRI men who have committed these heinous acts are now absconding, in fact several of them have gone into hiding ever since the red alert notices were issued. Several of them have legal trails waiting for them in India but refuse to come to face them, and ironically still claim to be innocent!!!

Newly wedded brides from India must insist on having their passports stamped and also check the background of the boy, research his family background from his neighborhood. The WCD suggests once the marriage has taken place, the bride and her family members must be adamant on registering the marriage.

The suggestion has been received with some resistance from NRI men. WHY? What is there to be afraid of? Why are they nervous? Are their intentions not clear? Are their thoughts not honest? Do they have surreptitious cunning motives? What are those? Marry and dump? Seek fat dowry? Dump? Marry again? Again seek dowry?

Well well….. time to get the passport stamped where you can boast of being part of sacred pact called – Marriage!!!…..Ahhh…..Indian Marriage

Details are as follows……….

NEW DELHI: Indian women who marry NRIs will now get legal proof of their wedlock if the government has its way.

The ministries of women and child development (WCD) and overseas Indian affairs are pushing for a mandatory certification of marriage on the wife’s passport.

A substantial number of Indian marriages are not registered and therefore do not have legal sanctity.

This makes it easy for NRIs to desert or abandon their wives or withhold alimony on the pretext that the marriage is not legal.

Under the proposal, the WCD ministry wants a stamp on the woman’s passport certifying that she is married and not merely leaving the country for tourism purposes.

The proposal was discussed at a recent meeting between WCD minister Renuka Chowdhury and overseas Indian affairs minister Vayalar Ravi.

The WCD ministry had suggested last year that registration of marriages be made compulsory but it met stiff resistance from the law ministry.

“We are still demanding that marriage registration be made mandatory for all religions, at least in states where NRI marriages are incre-asing. But till such a legislation comes through, we are also looking for other options,”a source said.

The ministry is also planning amendments in Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code which details mental and physical cruelty against a wife and reasons for desertion. “We want to strengthen the Act,”the source said.

The government will also work on pacts with other countries to get husbands who have abandoned their wives in India deported.

The ministries are keen to harmonise legislation with countries like US and UK – that have a substantial Indian diaspora – so that Indians would be tried under Indian laws.

The impact could be far-reaching – the Indian diaspora includes over 16 lakh people in the US and around 12 lakh in the UK.

Officials said an increasing number of complaints were received from states like Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Gujarat, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Kerala of girls being abandoned or cheated by their NRI husbands.

The complaints from residents of Punjab, Haryana and Delhi deal with abandonment, abuse, unmet dowry demands and lack of awareness while women from south Indian states like Andhra and Kerala are taken to the Gulf on the excuse of marriage only to be pushed into prostitution or forced to work as housemaids in pathetic conditions.

By Vidhya M.S

Aid by Indian Govt for NRI wives January 5, 2007

The Indian government is finally comprehending the pathetic plight of NRI wives who have been conned by their conniving husbands in foreign land. The government is taking concrete measures to curb this and bring some justice and legal aid to these women who have been displaced and abused as one of the immediate welfare measures.

The best part is that the assistance will be provided to NRI women as well as foreign citizens of Indian origin. Hence the women of have taken to US citizenship will also benefit with this aid. Which I think is absolutely awesome.

Govt to help women left in lurch abroad

NEW DELHI 30th Dec 2006: In its bid to assist Indian women who have either been deserted or divorced by their husbands overseas within a year of marriage, the government has finalised a scheme to provide them free legal and counselling services.

The ministry of overseas Indian affairs (MOIA) proposes to introduce this scheme in the US, UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, Malaysia, New Zealand and the Gulf. The assistance will be provided to NRI women as well as foreign citizens of Indian origin.

The ministry will involve credible women’s organisations and NGOs working in these countries and give them financial assistance to the tune of $1,000 for every woman they assist. The organisations will be expected to provide documentation and initial work for legal proceedings and counselling for the deserted woman.

“The objective of the scheme is to provide free advisory and legal services to women of Indian origin in distress as a welfare measure. Legal services would be provided by a panel of community advocates through credible Indian associations and women’s organisations,” an official said.

The scheme, firmed up at a high-level meeting in the ministry, will cover women deserted in India or overseas within one year of their marriage or divorce proceedings initiated by the husband within one year of marriage. Legal aid will also be provided if there is an ex-parte decree of divorce or annulment of the marriage is obtained by the husband and a case of maintenance or alimony is required to be filed.

Ministry officials said the proposal would be circulated among Indian community associations by the missions concerned for information and publicity and sent to women’s groups and NGOs inviting them to apply for impanelment under the scheme. The applications received from women seeking assistance will be examined by a committee in the ministry. Based on the scrutiny and approval of the ministry, the cases will be recommended to the missions for giving assistance to women in distress.

The government’s decision to put in place the assistance mechanism comes in the wake of increasing number of complaints of Indian women who opt for NRI marriages but are abandoned or ill-treated by their husbands.

This is a wonderful initiative taken by our government who has realized that all is not hunky dory in the foreign land. All that glitters is definitely not gold. I am sure several abused women will benefit from this assistance.

By Purple A

‘International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women’ November 25, 2006

The following article(by Vasundhara Sanger,TOI) says it all with thorough analysis, facts and specifics in place, that even urban, educated and financially independent women also endure domestic violence.

Why do they hide it? Though some of us already know why, others may like to know the rationale behind women refusing to acknowledge that they are victims of domestic violence too.

Today November 25th is the ‘International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women.’ Lets come together and pledge that we will not endure violence anymore, nor will let anyone else endure it and will spread the word and awareness of DV Act to everyone. Lets eradicate domestic violence and thrive to bring about harmony in marriages!!!

Independent women too are victims of domestic violence (by Vasundhara Sanger,TOI)

MUMBAI: The recent expose by a local newspaper in Mumbai on the alleged beating of Shweta Mahajan, a pilot married to Rahul Mahajan, has opened a fresh debate on the issues of domestic violence. It also reinforces the view that violence do exist in the upper strata of society. The couple, however, has denied any ripple in their marriage.

About a decade ago, a documentary film Char Diwari by Rinki Bhattacharya, a victim of domestic violence herself, showed how educated and financially independent women suffered physical and mental abuse at the hands of their husbands. Some of them did not have the courage to either separate from them or seek divorce.

It exposed the myth that violence exist only in the lower strata of society. Rinki Bhattacharya is the daughter of the legendary filmmaker Bimal Roy of Do Beegha Zameen and Devdas fame.

The film exposed how wives in affluent homes were beaten up by educated men from liberal backgrounds. It also explored the isolation and terror of women trapped in violent marriages and the social response to domestic violence. The film chronicled the saga of four gutsy women, who resolved to put an end to the violence and reinvented to start a new life.

Women’s organisations all over the world observe November 25 as the ‘International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women.’ This year, in India women’s groups have reasons to celebrate because Parliament has enacted a law to protect women against domestic violence, which also include live-in relationships.

According to activists, the recent Act to protect women against domestic violence will make people aware that there is a law. And that itself will serve as deterrent. Besides, women will begin to assert more. However, Gandhian and social worker Dr G.G Parikh of Yusuf Meherally Centre in Mumbai thinks that a law alone cannot act as a deterrent. “Violence is part of human nature and a law alone cannot change human nature. It’s the cultural thinking and education that is necessary for transformation,” he said.

Consulting physiotherapist and Counsellor Dr Minnu Bhonsle says whether the law will be a deterrent depends on if a battered woman files an FIR and pursue the case. In most domestic violence cases, women consciously cloak it.
Dr. Parikh says, “Violence in high society was always there, but it was rarely noticed, partly because of our pro-high society prejudice and partly because the upper strata hide it. In the lower strata, we expect them to behave in that manner. Women, however, remain vulnerable in our society.”

The corrective measure will be to work on the male right from the time when he is a child, to bring about an attitudinal change. “We take it for granted that men are like that. It is only Mahatma Gandhi who had urged to bring about a change both, in the victim and the oppressor; only then the change will be sustainable. This lesson, which we learnt during the freedom movement, has been forgotten,” laments the 82-year old doctor.

It may be recalled that Rahul was booked under the Narcotics Drugs and Psychotropic Substances Act and acts relating to destruction of evidence after taking an overdose of drugs in June this year.

However, Dr Parikh says though it could be one of the reasons, by and large he had not noticed that only drug abusers are more violent.

Harish Sadani of the Men against Violence and Abuse (MAVA) feels that gender issues are seen as women’s issues. “If men are part of a problem, empowering women to fight violence and injustice is not enough. When it comes to decision-making, a woman still looks to her husband for support. It is crucial to involve men in gender issues.”

Reasons for domestic violence

Violence against women is one of the most widespread violations of women’s human rights around the world. If studies conducted by various organisations are to be believed, it’s assuming epidemic proportions.

“Youngsters today are grappling with so many issues. Identity is one of them. Due to the male dominated attitude (masculinity and aggressiveness) and growth of nuclear families, peer pressure, job growth and competition, they are unable to deal with anger. The younger generation is at the crossroads and is facing dilemma,” says Sadani, who recently organised an anger management workshop for men in Pune.

Lawyer Ketki Jayakar, who practices at the Bandra family court said, “The reason for such high incidence of violence against women is the dearth of role models.” However, she admits that there has been a change in attitude. “Media is aggressively reporting on the issue of violence against women. There has been a gradual shift.” She also feels that the joint family systems did the work of shock absorbers, and elders in the family managed to drill sense into the warring couples. With the nuclear family prevalent in modern India that vestige of hope to save marriage and prevent abuse is no more.

There are multiple reasons for high incidents of domestic violence. One could be that the man has seen violent behaviour in his own family. “Especially, in a love marriage, a woman does not want to be viewed in retrospect as someone who made a mistake. The man must have seen his mom’s submissive behaviour and imbibed the fact that women are doormats,” explains Dr Bhonsle.

It could also be that the person actually has pathological disorder and has been the only child, who got away with tantrums and didn’t learn the functional ways of expressing anger. “Pathological disorders need medication and only counselling won’t help. They go through maniac phases. Sometimes the man is very violent and at times he will repent and apologise for his behaviour (bi-polar disorder). The woman also goes through these swings, along with him. When he is violent she wants to leave him; when apologetic, she forgives him. When there is drinking, the chances of engaging in violent behaviour increases,” says Bhonsle.

If there’s a child, he suffers because of the long drawn custody battle. If the man feels remorse, he suffers due to guilt. For a woman, fighting a divorce suit is expensive. At the end she breaks down, as court cases take time. In the beginning people support her, but slowly that supports wanes. The trauma takes a toll on her body,” says Ketki.

Why women protect violent husbands?

“A wedding in affluent families takes place with great fanfare. If the marriage does not work, the woman feels she would be seen as a failure. So she decides to cloak the abuse. Besides, people will make her ask herself if she was instrumental in breaking the marriage.”

Another reason could be the clout that the husband’s family may wield. According to media reports, Shweta Mahajan has been grounded and there is an enquiry for a lapse she had made in landing the aircraft last week.

Many highly educated and financially independent women have an issue with their own image. They want to be viewed as a “very together” in a relationship (Madhur Bhandarkar’s film Page 3 showed such instances). Also, at one point of time, some of them may have counselled a friend on a bad marriage. Now, they feel humiliated at being in the same boat, says Dr Bhonsle.

“Couples from high society have approached us for counselling, but the woman sits with a straight face, as if she did not want to walk out of the marriage. It is very demeaning for her to seek help. They do not even like if we empathise with them. So, she emotionally distances herself. This is because such people have cultivated a distorted belief that they are resolved persons,” Dr Bhonsle added.

Ketki thinks to save a marriage and prevent domestic abuse a woman is her own master. “Build your self esteem and be physically fit. Physical fitness is a must, so eat well, “says the seasoned lawyer.

To prevent a marriage from breaking, Bhonsle says they have made breakthrough. “We help them identify ‘areas of conflict’ and have some kind of emotional and geographical lines within the four walls of the house. They learn to co-exist. Technically, such a marriage is saved, but the emotional intimacy ends. The love is lost. In her opinion, the crucial factors in a healthy marriage are the three Cs- care, commitment, and communication. She also advises to remove what she terms ‘contaminants’. These are personality traits, which pollute the relationship.

Reverence for life

What pains Ketki is the fact that there is no reverence for life. “We do not respect life of people involved in domestic issues. We do not respect lives of couple’s old parents. In their twilight years, the parents get dragged into the turmoil of their children’s marriage. There is a need to be humane and to empathise with them,” she says.

What the studies on women say

A WHO report called ‘The Women’s Health and Domestic Violence against Women’ says one in six women worldwide suffers domestic violence. Women suffer broken bones, bruises, burns, cracked skulls, dislocated jaws, rape and of course terror. Domestic violence remains largely hidden as many women suffer silently. Physically or sexually abused women were more likely to suffer longer term health problems, including depression. Often the woman herself believes that the man is justified in beating her.

The second study by Oxfam (UK based charity) says that the problem is much worse in South Asia, where as many as one in every two women face domestic violence.

All wife beaters believe in male domination. These men have certain rules and regulations that women should follow, and if the women don’t follow them, they are subjected to violence or verbal abuse.

Another type of man hits out in a fit of anger or in an alcoholic stupor when he doesn’t get what he wants from the woman, or because she does not give him ‘respect’. These types of men often repent temporarily.

There is an even more dangerous kind of wife-beater. He does not believe in any moral or social conventions. He believes that the woman is his property and that he can do anything he likes with her. He will gratify any of his perverted, violent and sexual desires without any regard for the woman’s safety.

Some worldwide facts

Japan: 796 women surveyed in 1993 – 59% are reported to be physically abused by their partner
India: 6902 men surveyed – 45% of married men acknowledged physically abusing their wives
Uganda: Representative samples of women – 41% women admitted that their partners have beaten them or physically harmed them.

(The findings are from a survey conducted by the UNICEF)

By Vidhya M.S.

My anecdote November 22, 2006

That fateful month (at that time I thought it was the best time of my life), when an alliance came for me. My parents were then only to keen to marry me and see me settled in life. They did some research on the boys family through common friends and were satisfied with the results. By then I had completed my masters and was open to meeting with this person, to check out if we clicked. Well he came down from USA(ahh…yes the US of A) for 2 weeks. We met, dated a few times and I can plainly say that our thoughts matched. He was educated and so was I and I didn’t have any other expectations or fancies. We got engaged and next year married again within those famous 14 days. My parents arranged everything with no qualms. (today when I look back I wonder why my parents so voluntarily arranged everything. Okay, they were being generous but did not the boys side have any onus to take some responsibility too after all was he not their child just the way I was my parents child? Oh yes…how can I forget, we are girls side !!!

I reached USA and was taken to our apartment. The first few months passed by peacefully and we very much enjoying our honeymooning phase. Shall I call this the silence before the storm? Then came the expectations. He wanted $25000 from my parents that too to be transferred to his account immediately. Initially I did not comprehend why? I was worried that something was wrong, that he was some of serious trouble and therefore he was in dire need of finances. He did not say anything. He wanted the money and asked me to bring it. Obviously my parents did not have $25000 to give away and neither was I going to request my parents. I coaxed him further to get to the bottom of this. It was worrying him no end. Though my husband refused to tell me why he needed the money, I then suggested to him that he use his savings. He had a comfortable 6 digit salary and enough savings from his years of work experience in USA. That was when I received my first slap for this suggestion. And more slaps complete with abuses followed.

My world came to a stand still.

I went into mourning for several weeks. Loathed to get up in the morning because to me sleep was a get away from the reality. Went early to bed to avoid him. He kept demanding it aggressively now and I kept refusing it until I would get a valid explanation from him. He would slap me, punch me and assault me. I had nowhere to go. But one question still haunted me “why did he need $25000?” I had no one to talk to either. Our landline was disconnected and so was my internet connection. Obviously I had no money now and was completely at his mercy. In his absence I use to agonize, think to no end and ask whys. The word ‘dowry’ striked me once and I denied the thought. A guy who has 6 digit salary, what would he do with a mere $25000. It did not make sense to me. But that was the only answer that kept coming back to me.

I took a bus once to go to the Indian market, sold a pair of gold bangles that my parents had gifted me to get some money for myself. The following week I found out I was pregnant and informed him the same. He was absolutely unhappy. I requested him to take me to the doctor and he said he had no money to spend on an unwanted child. He convinced and threatened me that if I don’t have an abortion done he would tell my parents the truth about our marriage. I thought the news of the child would mellow him but it only got worst. He got more violent and cohesive with his demands. With the stress, the tensions, his sadistic behavior, his violence, his threats, his aggressiveness, his abuse I had no choice.

One night when I was asleep, excruciating pain in my left ear awakened me. I put my hand over it to and felt something wet. I saw my husband next to me, staring at me. I hurried to the bathroom to see what was going on with my ear and as I faced the mirror I saw my ear bleeding and blood pouring down my neck. For the first few seconds everything went blank before my eyes. I felt nothing. I was jolted to my senses ruthlessly when my husband was pulling my hair and almost ready to bang into the door. He kept asking for the $25000, threatening me and abusing me. Most part of the night I was thrown from one corner to another corner. I begged him to stop, for the sake of humanity to stop. He asked me point blank for the money. To safe myself, I offered to call my parents so that I could make the request to them. He happily obliged and I made the call. My parents knew something was wrong but I did not care now. Sooner or later they would know and they would be glad to have their daughter back alive (atleast).

After the call, he went of to sleep as if nothing had happened. Once again I felt the excruciating pain on my ear and I realized that it he who had pulled the earrings off my ear while I was asleep—and that lead to the bleeding.

The man that I had married, the promises we exchanged to spend a lifetime, to protect each other, would attack me viciously when I would be asleep!! I mean what kind of a human being thinks of this or does this? Till date I cannot fathom what was he thinking when he attacked me this way or how such a thought can cross any human beings mind.

I waited for the sun to rise. It was the longest wait of my life. He went to work as if nothing had happened. That was the last I saw of my educated civilized husband who worked in an IT company in USA.

I packed some of my basic things, called for a cab( oh yes little did I ever know that my mother would come to my timely rescue—her gifted bangles to me) and once gain back to the Indian market, sold some more jewelry of my parents, enough to buy me a ticket back home. To the airport and waited for the flight.

Once in India, I directly went to my parents’ house and told them all, just the way it was, the whole thing. My father was the strongest. We consulted a lawyer and filed the appropriate cases on him. . His parents were livid with rage when they had to appear in court. They had no remorse or any guilt at their sons doing or actions. To me it felt that they were rather unhappy that they did not get their $25000.

He still has not retuned back to India. It has been years. Initially he called me with his usual threats that he will take me to task for daring to file the case on him. The criminal cases are still in court and will remain there and I will see to it they remain there. Today I have my own life, happy, I work, I earn and I am free. I can travel to any country. Unlike him—that irritates him know no end that his freedom is restricted. I pay my lawyers regularly, thinking that they are my kids on whom I spend my money on(if I had one I would have spent on him/her right?) who by the way reluctantly accept any, and have clearly expressed my intentions to them. He needs to got to jail the minute he lands here. The fear of this will never make him return to his home country–which is fine by me too. If he is innocent then he is welcome to come and fight for it. I want justice. I WILL get justice

*************************************************************

Currently he is a member of a disreputable immoral mens group that exists here and Usa too, who claim to be on a rampage to save the Indian marriage and culture. Their rantings and sadistic intentions are well known to everyone. Obviously this is only a farce, a charade by them and the actual motto of this group is to abolish dowry laws and domestic violence laws that hinders their freedom of speech, plans, action and materialistic demands.

I and many others who have been through this trauma and ordeal we will get justice in this lifetime. Recently the DV act came into existence. Surely it will give many woman solace and some respite. Spread the word, as most rural women do not even know about it.

A survivor – A woman

Another Wife Beater Exposed November 20, 2006

In the most shocking news Rahul Mahajan has turned out to be a wife beater. It has been only 3 months since they were married and this is the pathetic scenario. Ofcourse, this is not news to many who have been through the same and experienced the same trauma.

Most husbands who have a very good image in society, educated, suave, when exposed as wife beaters, it is very incomprehensible to digest this fact. They beat their wives in a fit of rage mercilessly and then later offer apologies and explanations. But the irreversible damage has already been done.

Generally women are too embarrassed to admit that they are victims of domestic violence despite of their education & elite background they come from. They refuse to acknowledge it lest it taints their status/reputation.

It took Shweta 3 whole months to expose him and come out with the truth. This is her dismal plight. It is not easy for an educated, a woman who has a successful career to accept this appalling fact in the open–that she too is a victim of domestic violence.

Read the following link and see the pictures of Shweta, those bruises, those dark circles, those cut lips and those sorrowful eyes.

Rahul Mahajan’s wife Shweta Singh is on the verge of ending their two-and-a-half month old marriage because of relentless “physical and verbal abuse” by her husband, a source close to the family told MiD DAY.Rahul and Shweta were married on August 29, when the Mahajans had barely recovered from the events of the previous five months.In April, Pramod Mahajan was shot dead by his brother Pravin. In June, Mahajan’s secretary Bibek Moitra died after he allegedly overdosed on drugs while he was with Rahul.The latest in a series of assaults on Shweta occurred last Wednesday, leaving her with a cut lip, a bruised arm, a sore back — and the realization that she had to get out of the marriage.The incident took place in a car during Rahul’s visit to Delhi last week. To add to Shweta’s humiliation, the beating took place in the presence of two of Rahul’s friends. The source said, Rahul “hit Shweta repeatedly… he caught her by the hair, slapped her on the face, banging her head against the seat. Once, she was hunched over, he kept hitting her on the back with his fists.”The source said Rahul abused and threatened Shweta and her family throughout, and “vowed” to destroy them.Apparently, Rahul was full of remorse later, but even this had a manic edge. He told Shweta to ‘‘take a hammer and finish him off’’. Terrified, Shweta asked him to stay away from her. Shweta’s mother intervened, and Rahul left for Mumbai, sources said.

The pattern was clear well before Rahul’s last attack. Only three weeks ago, after the couple had a disagreement over Rahul’s plans for the future, ‘‘he hit Shweta very hard’’. The blow left a big bruise on Shweta’s thigh. She flew back to Delhi, afraid of ‘‘something worse happening to her’’ because the couple lives alone in Mumbai.

Early blows
Shweta got to see the violent side of Rahul very early in the marriage. Her ordeal had begun almost as soon as the couple came back after their honeymoon in Seychelles in mid-September.

Upon their return, the couple visited Tirupati and stayed in a hotel, where a trivial matter caused Rahul to lose his temper. The source said Rahul began ‘‘hurling abuses at Shweta, calling her a wh**e and accusing her of having destroyed his life. He called her a Vish Kanya, all the while throwing things.’’ A friend of theirs was in the next room and heard everything.

Shweta was so traumatised after this incident that she couldn’t stop shaking for hours.

After every assault, there were apologies and explanations, said sources. Rahul would tell her that he had an ‘‘anger management’’ problem and that he owed his temper to his ‘‘upbringing and his genes’’.

Shweta, a qualified pilot, is the daughter of a retired brigadier. She grew up in a very protected, fairly conservative environment. Given the controversies surrounding Rahul, Shweta’s father wasn’t very keen that she marry him, say sources, but Rahul’s persistence seems to have influenced her mother.

‘‘He would beg Shweta to marry him and constantly request her mother to convince her,’’ said sources. The last call that Rahul made on the night Bibek Moitra died was to Shweta.

But things have changed dramatically since, transforming the once bubbly, girlish, Shweta to a woman who wears a permanently haunted look.

According to sources, she has been trying to convince Rahul to agree to a ‘‘quiet separation’’.

But Rahul isn’t willing — such a move could adversely affect his political plans and the ongoing court case on drugs charges. But the couple is, for all practical purposes, separated. Shweta refuses to go back to Rahul’s Mumbai flat and lives in Delhi under the constant watch of her mother.

By PurpleA

Suggestions needed!! November 13, 2006

Friends,

On one of the articles, we received a very supportive response where a police sergeant Vanessa Robinson has volunteered and needs our feedback/leads/inputs on how she can help the several NRI brides who are abandoned ruthlessly by their husbands. She is reaching out to us for any specific messages or guidelines we may have to convey to her so that she can address the issue appositely.

Her response:

Hi ladies and gents

This is not your usual posting but I need your feedback.

I am a police sergeant from Leicester in England UK. I have the strategic lead for domestic violence. The city where I work is very culturally diverse and there are many black minority ethnic communities. Recently I have noticed more cases of NRI marriages with brides being abandoned immediately or living with the groom only to find herself abused as the groom asks for more dowry in exchange for her safety. I know this has probably gone on for some time now and reaching out to the victims is a hard task for all the reasons from mistrust of the police, lack of understanding but worse still because of the isolation these women are kept in. I am only just coming to terms with the magnitude of the problem, especially the NRI cheat marriages where the groom disappears with the dowry, this is so cruel! I am giving a talk about NRI marriages on the 20th November in Leicester during the National Domestic Violence Week. The day looks at numerous BME issues with an emphasis on so called honour crime. Even my local paper has shown an interest.

What messages do you want me to send to the audience? I am trying to scope a police response to these various issues and would welcome any (sensible!!) responses.

Hopefully if I find some help here I am happy to discuss some of my other work around HBV.
I am a white British female with children of my own, but I care passionately about women who find themselves in such dire conditions irrespective of their ethnic background.

The message is, that society is gradually waking up to these cruel practices and if I can make just a small difference, it will be a start.

Feel free to leave a response, before Thursday if possible!!

Regards
Vanessa

Death Trap November 4, 2006

I had met Sripriya online three years ago while looking for a roommate. She was a victim of a physically abusive marriage and had recently undergone surgery for a leg that her husband had broken in a fit of rage. She was legally separated at the time and was looking for a roommate to help pay the bills as she recuperated. We never ended up meeting in person as I did not need to move to her town in the end. We stayed in touch by e-mail and phone.

Talking to Sripriya always leaves me emotionally drained. Knowing her condition, I feel guilty when I don’t respond to her e-mails or try to call her at a time when I can get by with leaving a voicemail message. I realize how she feels desperately lonely in a situation that seems like a death trap – that she just needs to talk to save her sanity. Talk to someone she thinks would have empathy for her – it is just too overwhelming to be that person.

She has a twelve year old daughter who lives in India with her family – a helpless pawn in a game involving a two adults – one dangerously violent and the other precariously helpless battling through a complex legal maze. For the longest time I though Sripriya was divorced or was at least on trying to get out of a marriage that was making a physical and psychological wreck of her. I would have sworn she had told me the very first time we spoke that the papers had been filed. She pines for her child who is growing up alone in a hostel in another continent, feels like a failure for not being a mother to her, compensates by mailing gifts and spending any time she can in India.

Sripriya used to be a practicing physician when she was in India. Today she can hardly speak in coherent sentences. Thoughts collide with each other randomly as she moves aimlessly in space and time – you hear one thing now in fifteen minutes she has contradicted herself ten times. The same events are recounted endlessly in several different ways and it is up to the listener to arrive at the truth. She has been through so much that she probably cannot distinguish between truth, lie, fiction, fear, hope, dream and despair. There is a breathless, anxiety about her high-pitched speech that makes it impossible to interject with any dispassionate thought that may help her step outside her situation for a little bit and see issues for what they are.

Yet this cannon ball of confusion, contradiction, self-pity, hopelessness verging on borderline insanity is one of the most loving and generous people I have come across. I remember telling her that I was in the US trying to get a steady job so I could afford to bring J to live with me and she said “I would not dream of asking you to pay me rent. I will find another roommate and you can live for free like my sister”. This from a woman who had her utilities disconnected for not being able to pay for them. I was moved to tears at the gesture.

I talked to Sripriya after a long time last evening. I was glad to see her pause between her sentences, to have her explain her legal situation in terms that finally made sense. Some things have improved but a lot remains the same. The divorce is yet to come, her child still lives in India, the husband has put out a paid online matrimonial ad and says that he still wants to stay married with her.
I would love for time to heal her completely turn her back into the person she must have been over fifteen years ago. I pray Sripriya, that you get back the life you have lost and much more.

By Heartcrossings http://www.heartcrossings.blogspot.com/

An Egalitarian society by DV ACT. November 3, 2006

In the past few days a lot has been written about the Domestic Violence Act that has come into existence only a few day back , the contents of it explained, how it will benefit and safeguard the life of women from any kind of violence. This would be the crucial move that will break the chains binding them to the selfish motives of men and remove the boulders crushing them down under men’s big egos

Majority of the people both men and women have welcomed this DV act with open arms because they realize that it is for the betterment of the family structure as a whole and will only make every human being respect and treat each other with demureness and will eventually help create an egalitarian society.

While surfing the internet I came across this interesting article written by Chandrima S. Bhattacharya .

This article explores or questions the actions of those people who have protested against the DV Act . Obviously the ones who are protesting may have their own hidden vested interests and insecurities. She has beautifully explained the different grinds the women go through in their daily life and has questioned if they would classify under routine torture. Obviously as she has appropriately said that these daily occurrences never go reported and will never also.

It is all about the power…. the power to dominate, the power to control, the power to assert, the power to order, the power dictate ….and NOW ……the fear to loose the power or rather the illicit power that took it’s last painful gasp on the historical birth of the DV Act. They have lost their illicit powers. That’s what this is about and that is what is making certain unscrupulous sections of the society timorous.

Well too bad….times are changing for the better much better and parivartan sansar ka niyam hai .Good times lie ahead.

The article of Chandrima S. Bhattacharya that appeared in the Telegraph

What are men scared of?
CHANDRIMA S. BHATTACHARYA WONDERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE REASONS THAT LED MEN TO LAUNCH A PROTEST PLATFORM IN THE WAKE OF THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ACT

The first arrest has been made under the domestic violence act. But last week, with the act barely out of Parliament, a group of men went slightly wild. To protect the hallowed institution from the threat of “legalised terrorism” by women, they launched a protest group called Save the Indian Family. When anyone who has been in touch with contemporary Indian culture knows that nothing can save the Indian family since Rakhi Sawant burst onto the scene and I will not dwell on the word “burst” in this context.A democracy has to allow for all sorts of phenomena and their expression: Rakhi Sawant, Gandhiji T-shirts following his rehabilitation through a film starring a bomb blast accused, the possibility of Navjot Singh Sidhu printing his complete works… So why should men who feel that all women are potentially terrorists be stopped from holding their protest march?But I was just wondering what made the men feel so threatened. There doesn’t seem to be much reason.

India is the world capital of legislation — it loves to pass acts that will never be implemented. Otherwise the act banning child labour would never have been passed. Without children in our homes, tea stalls, factories and red light areas, the economy will crumble and all foreign journalists will go away.

The domestic violence act is very welcome and it will be a shot in the arm for many women, but I have a feeling that many more will never know about it. I know a young woman who works as a cook at several houses. She has two children. She was a bright student and her parents — her father is a watchman — had high hopes for her.

But she met a dashing young man one day, the chief mason at a nearby building under construction, and fell in love. True, he drank, but love is a great cure for alcohol. So she gave up school to watch him slap the cement on the freshly-laid bricks and never was watching paint dry so much fun. She married him.

Now he doesn’t work, drinks and drinks and sometimes takes a break to beat her up. The women who read the papers would probably have turned to the law enforcement agencies in her situation, but it is unlikely that she will.

The act, the men said, brought into being by “modern sadists” and “modern Surpanakhas”, would encourage terrorist activity by women. Are the men worried about this girl?

The men can also take heart from the areas covered by the act. It tries to map the crucial areas of torture — marital rape and sexual, physical, verbal and economic violence — and in that it is generous. But it leaves out some notoriously unspoken facts about the tortures of living with a man. They can lead to slow death for the woman.

What happens when every day, after a hectic time at the office, the woman comes and sees the floor strewn with empty plastic bottles, which means that not only she has to put them back, but also fill them with filtered water? Then the wait at the filter? Then to find that an empty pizza box is lying on the bed? To find that the fan had not been switched off, though he left home later and came back earlier? That the clothes are all to be folded, while he watches the recap of how India lost because they played Dhoni at number six? To feel too tired by the end of dinner to give in to his wish — of watching a movie together? To have to scream at him, though that’s not how it should have been at all? Day after day after day?

What is the name of this torture? The Daily Grind? The Lazy Mind? The Thick Hind? Whatever it is, it is again unlikely that many women, though living through this, will report to the police the details of their domestic lives.

Then what are the men so scared of?

I think the secret is that it takes very little to make men feel scared. Anything that poses a threat to their control of the world makes them tremble. Even the thought of a threat makes them scared. Sometimes they invent the scare, a great big bogey, from nothing, just to assert themselves. Like George Bush Jr. and the Weapons of Mass Destruction.

It is probably no coincidence that the men who formed the society see the women as “terrorists”, “modern sadists” and “modern Surpanakhas”. They could be talking about Weapons of Mass Destruction too.

Incredible News—Domestic Violence Crucified October 25, 2006

Ladies there is some incredible great news to share. It has finally been passed.

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 has come into effect. Ministry of Women and Child Development has issued a notification to bring it into force from as early as 26th October, 06.

This Act was passed last year and was assented to by our very Honorable President on 13th September, 2005.

This is the Golden Day for Womenhood and Humanity and it will be marked in history

Please read the following. It says it all.

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 will come into effect from tomorrow. Ministry of Women and Child Development has issued a notification to bring it into force from 26th October, 06. The Act was passed by the Parliament in August last year and assented to by the president on 13th September, 2005. But implementation was pending as detailed consultation were required with the State and other agencies for framing the rules.

Primarily meant to provide protection to the wife or female live-in partner from violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or his relatives, the law also extends its protection to women who are sisters, widows or mothers. Domestic violence under the act includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic.

Harassment by way of unlawful dowry demands to the woman or her relatives would also be covered under this definition.

The Ministry has simultaneously issued another notification laying down the rules framed for the implementation of the Act. These rules provide for, among other things, appointment of protection officers, service providers and counselors. Action to be taken in the event of the respondent breaching the protection order passed by the Magistrate in favour of the aggrieved woman is also prescribed in these rules. Both the notifications will become available on the Ministry’s website www.wcd.nic.in from 26th October.

Smt. Renuka Chowdhury, Minister of State for Women and Child Development has said that the Bill will go a long way to provide relief to the women from domestic violence and get their due. The Ministry has requested all State Governments and Union Territories to ensure that the necessary administrative arrangements are immediately put in place for the commencement of the Act, she added.

The salient features of the Protection from Domestic Violence Bill, 2005 are as follows:

• The Bill seeks to cover those women who are or have been in a relationship with the abuser where both parties have lived together in a shared household and are related by consanguinity, marriage or a relationship in the nature of marriage, or adoption; in addition relationship with family members living together as a joint family are also included. Even those women who are sisters, widows, mothers, single women, or living with the abuser are entitled to get legal protection under the proposed Bill.
• `Domestic violence’ includes actual abuse or the threat of abuse that is physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and economic. Harassment by way of unlawful dowry demands to the woman or her relatives would also be covered under this definition.
• One of the most important features of the Bill is the woman’s right to secure housing. The Bill provides for the woman’s right to reside in the matrimonial or shared household, whether or not she has any title or rights in the household. This right is secured by a residence order, which is passed by a court. These residence orders cannot be passed against anyone who is a woman.
• The other relief envisaged under the Bill is that of the power of the court to pass protection orders that prevent the abuser from aiding or committing an act of domestic violence or any other specified act, entering a workplace or any other place frequented by the abused, attempting to communicate with the abused, isolating any assets used by both the parties and causing violence to the abused, her relatives and others who provide her assistance from the domestic violence.
• The draft Bill provides for appointment of Protection Officers and NGOs to provide assistance to the woman w.r.t medical examination, legal aid, safe shelter, etc.
• The Bill provides for breach of protection order or interim protection order by the respondent as a cognizable and non-bailable offence punishable with imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year or with fine which may extend to twenty thousand rupees or with both.

Similarly, non-compliance or discharge of duties by the Protection Officer is also sought to be made an offence under the Act with similar punishment.

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This will provide immense relief to all those women who endure physical abuse. Legally also it will give them their due and rights. To some extent it will put an end to the atrocities the woman/wife/live-in partner suffers at the hands of a violent man. It will safeguard and benefit marriages and relationships from violent domestic abuse.

A man will think not once or twice but a Million times before raising his hand on any woman. Not only him but also the instigators mostly his relatives, will also be in trouble for any violent abuse physically or even verbally hurled on the woman. Thus, it will safeguard, benefit and restore the tranqulity of marriages and relationships from any violent domestic abuse.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank all the people who have worked selflessly day and night to make this possible. It is solely their efforts that this milestone has been achieved. Also to the President and our government who were instrumental in passing this and bringing it into effect.

The Dynamic Victorious Act is here …..for a Better Tomorrow

Spread the word……to Save the indian familes, Save the indian women, Save the children, Save the mankind for a very Bright Future

By Preeti