Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Reflections…. September 29, 2006

Filed under: Reflections — togetherwebond @ 10:56 am

As I walk down memory lane the tears spring unannounced to my eyes.. my throat feels choked and I gasp with surprise.. Surely I should be feeling happy on this bright sunny day with the gentle wind playing with my tresses and the cool watery sunshine caressing my face.. But its not been an easy 8 months since the divorce. Seems like an ugly word. Sometimes I cannot believe this happened to me.. Snap out I say to myself..

Recently I met a very interesting person and he told me.. stop crying and write down 5 reasons why you think you are a very lucky person.. You must be joking I said. I am not at all lucky….quite the contrary, in fact… I thought the man must be crazy, here I was alone with two small children in an alien country, struggling with a job, difficult finances and with no help at all.. !!!!

But later that evening I actually took up pen and paper.. and low and behold I had really filled up pages with ‘why i think i am lucky’..

1. I am grateful to be where I am (which is 100 times better than where I was a few years back). I have a good well paying job, a nice understanding boss, nice colleagues and most of all a job that I like and enjoy (most of the time)..

2. I have two great kids who have stood by me with their little hand trustingly in mine and their silent eyes full of love, sympathy and understanding….with silent promises to make all the hurt and sorrow go away. They have been through everything with me and if they can come out of it so can I !!!!

3. I have a very nice family and friends and am grateful for the lives of such amazing people that has touched mine at some point and is still entwined with mine in so many ways.. I cant count people I love.. friends, family, and even acquaintances who have reached out to offer encouragement and sympathy!!

4. Money is not all but its something and I came from the depths of loans into a situation where I can even lend a helping had at times.. feels good!!

5. Good health .. never underestimate and never forget to appreciate good health. We don’t realise its worth until it goes away..

6. travel and memories.. I think of the time that we spend traveling and holidaying as deposits I make into my memory bank and I know that when the kids have grown up and flown out of the nest that I will still be warmed by little instances of shared laughter and warmth we shard. Never let good memories go away.. keep them close to you.

7. A home to call my own.. finally we own a house… can’t say how much comfort that brings.. even though its a small apartment.. its a feeling that somewhere in the world we have a roof to call our own and where we can stretch our tired limbs and close our weary eyes and seek comfort..

8. Education and professionalism.. never compromise on what you have.This is your selling point in the marketplace and constant honing of skills and uncompromising professionalism is the key to success at the work place..

Well as you can see I could go on like this.. but I think you do get the message. Count your blessings once in a while and send up there a silent prayer of thanks… God be with you all and give you strength.

Take care….

By Prakruti

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12 Responses to “Reflections….”

  1. Kiran Says:

    Prakruti

    You have put this so well together. It can change ones whole perspective in life. We must learn to count our blessings.

    And great site.

  2. Iturkarp Says:

    This is a great success story. Most of the women in India are immersed in their assumed cultural value; which is a misnomer because the marriage vows in Sanskrit at the time of marriage that starts with the promise by the Husband states,”Mangalyam Thanthuna …..” means I shall stand by you till death in your happiness & sorrow for a happy marriage… broke it already when the husband violated that promise either making the wife unhappy or filled with sorrow due to his behaviors) that the wife stay with such abusive husband forever. How ever you are a success story as you got your freedom. You may have forgotten to add why you are lucky from what I read in your article:
    (1) You have saved your two kids from such an abusive situation to train them to be better & more loving and respecting women when they grow up as you stated,” I have two great kids who have stood by me with their little hand trustingly in mine. …with silent promises to make all the hurt and sorrow go away. They have been through everything with me . . . !!!!”

    (2) You have revived your lost self-esteem once again from an abusive marriage. Now sky is the limit to bring your kids as how YOU want them to be brought up with success in their education and whatever profession they choose to be in their lives as you will pursue yours with your free will and determination with no one intruding what you can and can’t do.

    (4) One should always be in the place or with the people that need them, want them, cherish them and appreciate them. You are in such a place now.

    (3) Your tears of sadness that you say linger still (due to divorcing?) may be due to your upbringing that a woman in Indian culture has to endure the abusive husband just because he married with a right to abuse as he pleases is neither logical nor what our Hindu Shasthras states? Thus, be happy with your status of being your own boss, as you got your life, and self-esteem back once again forever to cherish. Good luck

  3. Prakruti Says:

    Hi Kiran. Thanks for your comments. I am glad you agree.. To be happy one has to be satisfied.. and remember the past with some detachment.

  4. Prakruti Says:

    Dear Itukarp (thats a strange name..)

    In my mind one enters a marriage really meaning every promise of being with each other..However it does not quite work out that way for some. Children are a great source of comfort and give direction to ones life but one has to also prepare to let go..seems a precarious balance..

    To be loved and cherished is alwys good and a very nice feeling..

    My tears still linger as I MISS dearly the man that I loved and cherished and would have done anything for.. but who did not place his trust in me..

  5. Itukarp Says:

    I am hopeful that you would move along with your present & look forward to your future with your kids and family. You would definitely succeed, as you knew how to get out of an irrepairable marriage. By clinging to the past one would only perpetuate the unhappy events in life. We have our kids to take care of and move ahead in life. Life is too short to have unproductive emotions Prakruthi ( very exotic name in deed) Good wishes. God Bless you, kids & your family.

    Itukarp

  6. rajsport Says:

    Prakruti: Am glad you discovered that it helps to put down thoughts.

    Iturkarp: Reversing names does help?

  7. Prakruti Says:

    Thanks Raj and Iturkarp..for your comments. Sorry I was a bit dense ..on that!!

    Yes, it does help, not just to put down thoughts, but also to share them.

    Prakruti

  8. You are absolutely light. We have several other blessings that we are blessed with and thats what matters today.

  9. Anu Says:

    Prakurti

    You were, have and will always be a guiding force. You have no idea it is your precious advises that have gottem me here. And I have left everything behind—only to move ahead.
    Only when I meet you can I tell you.

    I use to be in grief all the time and would have continued to be same, had it not been your emails full of encouragement.

    Thanks and thanks and thanks

  10. Prakruti Says:

    Dear Anu..Hang in there..Glad to be of help. But dont forget your own resources, inner strength and courage. That is what is most important!!
    Would love to meet u too..

  11. Iturkarp Says:

    Hi Anu and Prakruti:

    Tome is the best healer of all sorrow. But making efforts to move on with your life is very important. Most would say, that it is so tough just to move on or forget the past unless “Amneisa” hits us. But the effort comes slowly by first focussing on either your family memebers, your kids’ future or your own educational improvements, skills & jobs etc. If nothing else focus on vilunateering for a good cause when you realize your worth, inner strength, and your self-esteems and reliance or dependence on your husband or the sociatal values become meaning less as days pass by.

    Let us not forget this:

    Hi Anu and Prakruti:

    Tome is the best healer of all sorrow. But making efforts to move on with your life is very important. Most would say, that it is so tough just to move on or forget the past unless “Amnesia” hits us. But the effort comes slowly by first focusing on your family members, your kids’ future or your own educational improvements, skills & jobs etc. If nothing else focuses on volunteering for a good cause when you realize your worth, inner strength, and your self-esteems and reliance or dependence on your husband or the societal values become meaning less as days pass by.

    There are various definitions about womanhood or motherhood, but the one I remember since a child is this (in part quoted here) from Manusmruti- Laws of King Manu
    · Those who studied “Shasthras” are called a Sasthri”. Who teach normally 10 students;
    · Those who teach 100 Sasthries is called “Upadhyaya”, the “ Great Teacher”
    · Those who can teach 1000 Upadhayas is called ‘Bheeshma”
    · A mother is equivalent to 10 Bheeshmas.

    My best wishes

  12. Prakruti Says:

    Thanks you Iturkarp.. for your comments.


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