Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

‘Others’–the Chosen Ones October 9, 2006

Filed under: Matrimonial Conflicts,Reflections — togetherwebond @ 9:13 am
No one gets married with the intention to get separated or divorced. Everyone looks forward to having a “happily married life” and ”lived happily there after”.

But sometimes there are different things planned for us by the Lord up there. Some marriages come to an end ….a very bitter tragic end. Whether we like it or no we must accept it. The reasons could be many….maybe we are settling our debts from the last birth or maybe we are the Lord’s chosen ones because he is judging us to see how we over come this crisis or maybe he tosses turbulent situations at us so that we emerge stronger and wiser.

I yet feel even after separation some dignity should be maintained by both in order to move on graciously in life and I practice the same. I don’t like to talk about my bitter experience by criticizing, deriding and stating personal things about my separated spouse. Even I can go on and on about my sob sob story!! But what is the use of that? I see several spaces where people mention such personal bitter things about their failed relationship and marriage life it really appalls me. It is so immature and childish. What is the rationale behind that? Whatever happened to ‘let bygones be bygones’ or rather some people like to ‘wash dirty linen in public’.

Passer bys will read their personal things on their website and move on. Is there any purpose served? Whatever little dignity could have been saved and earned is washed out totally. Ok I can understand that some want to give vent to their side of pent up feelings but definitely it can be done with some poise and refinement and thus maintain some respect and sanctity to the once relationship called ‘marriage’.

I’ve put things behind me since I don’t have much choice but I thank God all the time that I came out of the situation alive (infact thank God everyday for it) and most important sensibility intact.

Though the big “why” always bothers me till date, as to why did this separation happened to me? Why I could not have a normal married life? Why I could not be happily married? But I just console myself that I must have done something erroneous in my last birth as am paying for it now. I thank my Lord that I have wonderful parents and friends who have love me unconditionally and been there for me. I cannot thank them enough ever.

I still can’t believe that this happened to me as my previous-naive-blissfully-ignorant attitude was that bad things such as ‘marriage turning sour’ cannot happen to me…they happen to others only…until thunder struck and I realized harshly that I am the “others” in this lifetime. The chosen one!!!

“ they lived happily ever after” came crashing down all around me.

We all have some principles in life; it’s easy to abide by them when times are good. But the real testing of abiding by our set principles and values is during turbulent times of trial. How we sail through them with our set principles in place , is what is crucial to me to move on in life with my conscious clear.

By PurpleA

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18 Responses to “‘Others’–the Chosen Ones”

  1. Vidhya M.S. Says:

    I am sure there are some other better plans. When one door closes another opens and another opens.

    Definately one needs to go on and look forward to what life has to offer next.

    There is more to it and it will come when the time is right.

  2. Neha Says:

    Wonderful wonderful wonderfully written. Another interesting way to percieve the situation positively.

    Finally you have emerged bravely. From the intial stages until now…it has been a long way.

    And more to come from you!

  3. Iturkarp Says:

    Dear Purple A:

    You may have assumed that living happily meant living with the same person till death in happy marriage. That does not happen too often.

    Most marriages are shams in the sense that they just put up with their spousal abuses because of economic necessity or that they have kids to rear or because of the fear of being ostracized by society or family members if they divorce. One should live happily ever after with those who cherish us, (living with someone who abuse us is not happiness), respect us and adore us. You would find such a person in your if you focus on that goal, than crying over spilt milk of the past.

    I hope you move on to better pasture. The world is too big to be cornerd into a spot. I used to live in India, but chnaged my society by moving abroad and find life not only easy but society does not suffocate me anymore!!

  4. mailMahila Says:

    Excellent. I have the same feelings. Its like my thoughts are put in right words and expressed very powerfully. Whenever I read ideas like these, my heart immediately becomes very light. We should share our feelings, flush out and move on without much baggage on our minds.

  5. Kiran Says:

    Excellent . It feels like me and am so willing to move ahead in life.

    Hell with the past and the husband who didnt care.

    It is his loss and not mine.

  6. PurpleA Says:

    Iturkap
    I take your words as some of the most valuable words I have heard in a long time. Life is too short to have regrets and as you said the world is too big to be cornered into a spot.

    MailMahila
    Glad we share the same ideas

    Vidhya and Kiran
    Thank you

    Neha
    You are the *star* all the way.

  7. Preeti Says:

    Just the way we all believe. Nothing comes to an end.

    And happlily-lived-afters rarely happen. To make happily-live- afters we take all the abuse and torture for years without realizing we are subjecting ourselves to injustice and live in hell each and every single day.

  8. Vishalakshi Says:

    Wonderfully written. Very powerful expressions….”Lord’s chosen ones” etc. Definitely propels you forward in life after facing the unanticipated.

  9. PurpleA Says:

    Preeti—happily lived ever afters is rare ..very rare.

    Vishalakshi—thank you :). You yourself is a powerful in everyway.

  10. Ash Says:

    It is any day better to live alone than live in a abused marriage. It will only harm us.
    Our husbands who have harrassed us were no angels or Gods gift to mankind.
    It is better to safe guard ourselves from his abuse and move on in life.
    When one door closes another 100s open and life is full of opportunities.
    Just need to be at the right place at the right time. You never know what unfolds…:)

  11. Iturkarp Says:

    Folks: I can send some cheering words from my experience to focus your attention to more promising future than dwelling on the past? How about making a shift in sharing our success stories as best as possible out of the sad memory we still dwell on most of the time? I stumbled on to this website thru one of my friends and found we have quite a few in the bunch that were still discussing how they “lost” than being happy about how they “won”?.
    While I do not like to bore you with a lengthy lecture here about what I feel, I like to point out the basic premise of life in general:

    There are two types of issues in life. (See how easy to make it so simple even if it is very complex!)
    1. Those that are in YOUR control – You can Change it whenever you want to.
    2. Those that are NOT in YOUR control. You can’t change it even if YOU try to change
    Needless to say that we can change only those aspects which are in OUR control. E.g.> Not in our control would be Earth quake or Natural Calamity or who would be our siblings, Parents. Examples in our control would be say (I want to be relevant here, to cut the chase). For those who married out of love ( without arranged marriage like in 18th century being married at the age of 12 or 13 yrs of age called child-marriages) that would amount to “with in our Control”. Arranged marriages may be called (if we shut our eyes & allowed some one to tie the Thali on our neck) “Not in Our Control”. We may not change who our sibling would or should be but we can all change who our spouse should be! Let us decide our Destiny.

    While most of us who have fallen out of marriage have changed our destiny for a better future because it was within our control and we all did the “right thing” for a better future. By dwelling on the past what would have happened if every thing was as good as the romantic novel states is wishful thinking. It is wiser & more matured way to lead our lives to make that romantic life possible from NOW on than wishing that the abusive husband could change his life style and treat me as a loving wife etc. That is the easiest way to be “unhappy forever”.
    Does it make sense?

    I wish we could start sharing our success & happier present & future, so that all of us will be happier in life from NOW on.
    My best wishes to all of you
    Iturkarp

  12. Sure that sound like an awesome idea. Sharing our success stories.

    Would you like to write about it, if yes, do send it to togetherwebond@yahoo.co.in.

    We can use a pen-name for you and rest assured it will be kept confidential.

  13. Iturkarp Says:

    I would do that soon. For some strange reason I already have this pen name!. But if it is not “cool” you give me a pen name to use!

  14. I am fine with whatever you like. 🙂

  15. SriPriya Says:

    Dear All,
    I love all of your positive perceptions. I myself do that and talk about this but sometimes its mistakenly told that women victims are chosen by the abusers or women do love their abuser. I think women never love abusers. For that matter anybody or anyone human dont want to be abused. Abuse is very bad and everybody knows it. Women have some feelings for the fallen men who were part of their humanlife in past but they know that no-one can change those humans until that person wants or desires to change. All women should be Aware that the marriage is not complete once happened. It will be a continuous process of work to be done by both partners. Its a team work by both. Most women do their work gracefully but when it gets out of control they get exploited. Sometimes we will have to show the bitter truths to bring the early Awareness so its okay to tell “Love is not Abuse” or that its okay to bring dirty laundry to be washed. Abuse is like dirt hidden under the rug or inside the closet. Its not womens fault. Once you break out or done that dirt is gone.

    SriPriya
    http://www.asianwomensafety.net

  16. Parinita Says:

    Dear Beloved friend,
    You are a precious possession for me. God made you so beautiful. Enjoy all God’s lovely blessings on you, only chosen ones will get his rich blessings and its a real joy to be so pure and true just like Lord. Victory is always yours for you are always the bright shining star.
    May God be with you forever.
    Yours forever,
    Parinita.

  17. Purple A Says:

    Thanks a bunches and same to you as well….until we meet soon.

  18. Vikas Says:

    Very nice aticle…it speaks millions.

    Vikas


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