Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Suggestions needed!! November 13, 2006

Filed under: Dowry Menace,Fraudulent NRI Marriages,Legal Issues,Matrimonial Conflicts — togetherwebond @ 9:11 am

On one of the articles, we received a very supportive response where a police sergeant Vanessa Robinson has volunteered and needs our feedback/leads/inputs on how she can help the several NRI brides who are abandoned ruthlessly by their husbands. She is reaching out to us for any specific messages or guidelines we may have to convey to her so that she can address the issue appositely.

Her response:

Hi ladies and gents

This is not your usual posting but I need your feedback.

I am a police sergeant from Leicester in England UK. I have the strategic lead for domestic violence. The city where I work is very culturally diverse and there are many black minority ethnic communities. Recently I have noticed more cases of NRI marriages with brides being abandoned immediately or living with the groom only to find herself abused as the groom asks for more dowry in exchange for her safety. I know this has probably gone on for some time now and reaching out to the victims is a hard task for all the reasons from mistrust of the police, lack of understanding but worse still because of the isolation these women are kept in. I am only just coming to terms with the magnitude of the problem, especially the NRI cheat marriages where the groom disappears with the dowry, this is so cruel! I am giving a talk about NRI marriages on the 20th November in Leicester during the National Domestic Violence Week. The day looks at numerous BME issues with an emphasis on so called honour crime. Even my local paper has shown an interest.

What messages do you want me to send to the audience? I am trying to scope a police response to these various issues and would welcome any (sensible!!) responses.

Hopefully if I find some help here I am happy to discuss some of my other work around HBV.
I am a white British female with children of my own, but I care passionately about women who find themselves in such dire conditions irrespective of their ethnic background.

The message is, that society is gradually waking up to these cruel practices and if I can make just a small difference, it will be a start.

Feel free to leave a response, before Thursday if possible!!



13 Responses to “Suggestions needed!!”

  1. SriPriya Says:

    Hi Vanessa Robinson,
    Your small difference is going to bring great awakening in the Public. Awareness is required. It is very important for everyone to know and remember their simple human rights. I wish you and all your family lots of best wishes and will always remember you in all our thots and prayers. Women are very special and they need the same attention as Men. God bless your great passion for Women and Children and bless your work.
    Take care.


  2. Vishalakshi Says:

    Dear Vanessa Robinson,
    I agree with SriPriya. The difference you are going to make is great and I admire you for your great passion for women.
    Here are my suggestions:
    1. I have seen indian women’s organizations overseas providing shelters and referrals to battered indian women, so it would be a good idea to make them all known to everyone in need if there are any organizations in your community. If any woman calls you for help, you can give her the number of an organization closest to her for immediate help.
    2. Please encourage other indian women living over there to volunteer help actively to such organizations.
    3. Please come up with a training program that has something like a knowledgebase (with your experience in the police department, you surely can, I believe) for these organizations and make it a must for them.

    More to come….

    Thanks a lot once again…..

  3. Prakruti Says:

    Hi Vanessa

    My suggestions are:-
    1. Increase awareness among women in India who marry NRI men (I dont know how much you can influence this)
    2. Awareness of their rights when residing in UK
    3. Where to go for help and whom to contact. (since you have in Uk a big Indian community helpline in Indian language may be more effective)
    3. Punish the NRI men who harass women for dowry and desertion.
    4. Finally attack the root of the problem by adressing broadly the equality of men and women in today’s world.

    Hope this helps

  4. Sumanth Says:

    ( say something relevant to the topic–thanks)

  5. PurpleA Says:


    Thanks for your offer and generous help.

    As you know most of these wives when return to India file appropriate sections of the dowry law. But the hitch is that their husbands never return to India to face trial and justice never happens.

    But lately there has been some respite with an extradition treaty signed with regard to the absconding NRI grooms. For detailed understanding of the same kindly read

    1)What would be helpful if you could enhance and spread the awareness of the above process.
    2)Possibly even help in identifying them and report them to the Indian embassies
    3)To also get their passports impounded
    4)And make all possible attempts to seek their return to India to face the trail

    That would be great and many women be helped thus.

  6. Ash Says:


    1)Find ways to send them back to India. That only will be a huge help.

    2)And some shelters for the battered and abandoned women to protect them from these violent husbands.

    Thanks so much

  7. vanessa robinson Says:

    Thank you so much for your kind words and offers of support, all of which are salient and will be added to my list of remedial actions. I managed to finish off my speech this evening with your help. Once I have spoken to my chief officer tomorrow I may be able to share some other brighter news with you. Anyway it’s nearly midnight here, and one of the joys of being a single parent is that I get to spend most evenings researching the subjects that mean the most to me. Kindest regards Vanessa

  8. SriPriya Says:

    Hello Vanessa,
    Hope your speech was great. Looking to hear more from you. Yes single parenting gives us lot of great options. The same options may be ignored in families with two parents or may become difficult with two parents or sometimes can never be done. I am single and being single is a bliss for me. I am loving it. It gives me lot of freedom and everything.
    Take care.


  9. Vidhya M.S. Says:


    Hi, I cannot emphasize more one how important it is for you to stress on that these dowry seeking , abusive men are compelled to return to India.

    The mere fact they think they can go scot free is because of weak extradition laws between the 2 countries—but that was a past. This fact made them take undue advantage of marrying a naive Indian girl who would obviously had dreams and once she is there with him, the torture for dowry would begin.

    But now things are changing. With the treaties signed and several interpol notices, these men are running for their lives desperately or going into hiding. They are now under immense fear and strain. This is the BEST TIME to add more and push for their return. Because even the UK government and the US , now realizes their foul play
    Their game is over and I see them sniveling.
    Good Luck

  10. Kunjal Says:

    Dear Vanessa
    1)DEPORT them back to India.
    2) Put them in trial in UK itself.

    Crime is a cirme. Dowry demanding is a CRIME.

  11. vanessa Says:

    Ladies, good evening,

    Vidhya M.S. I was interested in your comments about the treaties being signed. Is this the Indian – British treaty or with another country? Advise me please.

    It is Domestic Violence Week here in the UK. Today I went to meet some survivors of DV who were celebrating their survival and remembering the victims who have perished. They were so welcoming, it was heartwarming. We had a group drumming session which was incredibly exhillarating and I had Mehendi for the first time(sorry if I mispelled this!)It is beautiful and my children are entirely fascinated by it, they rushed me through to the childminder to show the piece of art on my hand!

    My talk about NRI marriages and dowry menace went well and I received many compliments from the many black and Asian delegates which was quite reassuring.

    My Deputy Chief Constable is off to India in the very near future to talk about NRI marriages and Dowry Menace in the UK from a policing prospective. He is taking a copy of my speech with him, so I must have said something of substance!!!!. Thankyou for all your suggestions, I will do my best to further this cause, my energy levels are quite buoyant at the moment. I love your website, your writings inspire me.

    Regards Vanessa

  12. SriPriya Says:

    Hi Vanessa,
    You did a very good job. All our best wishes are with you. Yes we in USA observe the whole month of October as DV month and show our solidarity by wearing purple ribbons, although October also is considered as women’s month as they observe as breast cancer awareness month too, for that we wear pink ribbons. We give equal importance for breast cancer by giving free screening and telling them how important it is to have them screened for Breast cancer and sometimes give also free mammograms etc. Meanwhile we simultaneously observe DV awareness too as in October it was considered to have seen many abusive women in this month. I had never known about this till recently when I attended my training.
    Take care.


  13. PurpleA Says:

    Great Vanessa!!!

    Thanks a bunches for helping the indian women further the cause to eradicate the menace called Dowry from our society. Do let us know what your speech was, we too would like to read it.

    (regarding the treaty that you asked Vidhya, please read the following link, it has all the details.

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