Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

My anecdote November 22, 2006

That fateful month (at that time I thought it was the best time of my life), when an alliance came for me. My parents were then only to keen to marry me and see me settled in life. They did some research on the boys family through common friends and were satisfied with the results. By then I had completed my masters and was open to meeting with this person, to check out if we clicked. Well he came down from USA(ahh…yes the US of A) for 2 weeks. We met, dated a few times and I can plainly say that our thoughts matched. He was educated and so was I and I didn’t have any other expectations or fancies. We got engaged and next year married again within those famous 14 days. My parents arranged everything with no qualms. (today when I look back I wonder why my parents so voluntarily arranged everything. Okay, they were being generous but did not the boys side have any onus to take some responsibility too after all was he not their child just the way I was my parents child? Oh yes…how can I forget, we are girls side !!!

I reached USA and was taken to our apartment. The first few months passed by peacefully and we very much enjoying our honeymooning phase. Shall I call this the silence before the storm? Then came the expectations. He wanted $25000 from my parents that too to be transferred to his account immediately. Initially I did not comprehend why? I was worried that something was wrong, that he was some of serious trouble and therefore he was in dire need of finances. He did not say anything. He wanted the money and asked me to bring it. Obviously my parents did not have $25000 to give away and neither was I going to request my parents. I coaxed him further to get to the bottom of this. It was worrying him no end. Though my husband refused to tell me why he needed the money, I then suggested to him that he use his savings. He had a comfortable 6 digit salary and enough savings from his years of work experience in USA. That was when I received my first slap for this suggestion. And more slaps complete with abuses followed.

My world came to a stand still.

I went into mourning for several weeks. Loathed to get up in the morning because to me sleep was a get away from the reality. Went early to bed to avoid him. He kept demanding it aggressively now and I kept refusing it until I would get a valid explanation from him. He would slap me, punch me and assault me. I had nowhere to go. But one question still haunted me “why did he need $25000?” I had no one to talk to either. Our landline was disconnected and so was my internet connection. Obviously I had no money now and was completely at his mercy. In his absence I use to agonize, think to no end and ask whys. The word ‘dowry’ striked me once and I denied the thought. A guy who has 6 digit salary, what would he do with a mere $25000. It did not make sense to me. But that was the only answer that kept coming back to me.

I took a bus once to go to the Indian market, sold a pair of gold bangles that my parents had gifted me to get some money for myself. The following week I found out I was pregnant and informed him the same. He was absolutely unhappy. I requested him to take me to the doctor and he said he had no money to spend on an unwanted child. He convinced and threatened me that if I don’t have an abortion done he would tell my parents the truth about our marriage. I thought the news of the child would mellow him but it only got worst. He got more violent and cohesive with his demands. With the stress, the tensions, his sadistic behavior, his violence, his threats, his aggressiveness, his abuse I had no choice.

One night when I was asleep, excruciating pain in my left ear awakened me. I put my hand over it to and felt something wet. I saw my husband next to me, staring at me. I hurried to the bathroom to see what was going on with my ear and as I faced the mirror I saw my ear bleeding and blood pouring down my neck. For the first few seconds everything went blank before my eyes. I felt nothing. I was jolted to my senses ruthlessly when my husband was pulling my hair and almost ready to bang into the door. He kept asking for the $25000, threatening me and abusing me. Most part of the night I was thrown from one corner to another corner. I begged him to stop, for the sake of humanity to stop. He asked me point blank for the money. To safe myself, I offered to call my parents so that I could make the request to them. He happily obliged and I made the call. My parents knew something was wrong but I did not care now. Sooner or later they would know and they would be glad to have their daughter back alive (atleast).

After the call, he went of to sleep as if nothing had happened. Once again I felt the excruciating pain on my ear and I realized that it he who had pulled the earrings off my ear while I was asleep—and that lead to the bleeding.

The man that I had married, the promises we exchanged to spend a lifetime, to protect each other, would attack me viciously when I would be asleep!! I mean what kind of a human being thinks of this or does this? Till date I cannot fathom what was he thinking when he attacked me this way or how such a thought can cross any human beings mind.

I waited for the sun to rise. It was the longest wait of my life. He went to work as if nothing had happened. That was the last I saw of my educated civilized husband who worked in an IT company in USA.

I packed some of my basic things, called for a cab( oh yes little did I ever know that my mother would come to my timely rescue—her gifted bangles to me) and once gain back to the Indian market, sold some more jewelry of my parents, enough to buy me a ticket back home. To the airport and waited for the flight.

Once in India, I directly went to my parents’ house and told them all, just the way it was, the whole thing. My father was the strongest. We consulted a lawyer and filed the appropriate cases on him. . His parents were livid with rage when they had to appear in court. They had no remorse or any guilt at their sons doing or actions. To me it felt that they were rather unhappy that they did not get their $25000.

He still has not retuned back to India. It has been years. Initially he called me with his usual threats that he will take me to task for daring to file the case on him. The criminal cases are still in court and will remain there and I will see to it they remain there. Today I have my own life, happy, I work, I earn and I am free. I can travel to any country. Unlike him—that irritates him know no end that his freedom is restricted. I pay my lawyers regularly, thinking that they are my kids on whom I spend my money on(if I had one I would have spent on him/her right?) who by the way reluctantly accept any, and have clearly expressed my intentions to them. He needs to got to jail the minute he lands here. The fear of this will never make him return to his home country–which is fine by me too. If he is innocent then he is welcome to come and fight for it. I want justice. I WILL get justice

*************************************************************

Currently he is a member of a disreputable immoral mens group that exists here and Usa too, who claim to be on a rampage to save the Indian marriage and culture. Their rantings and sadistic intentions are well known to everyone. Obviously this is only a farce, a charade by them and the actual motto of this group is to abolish dowry laws and domestic violence laws that hinders their freedom of speech, plans, action and materialistic demands.

I and many others who have been through this trauma and ordeal we will get justice in this lifetime. Recently the DV act came into existence. Surely it will give many woman solace and some respite. Spread the word, as most rural women do not even know about it.

A survivor – A woman

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19 Responses to “My anecdote”

  1. Prakruti Says:

    Hi! Reading that made me feel like I was watching a horror movie.. What completely defeats my understanding is WHY a man would behave like that. HE wanted to marry you too, surely HE too would not be happy in a situation like this.. The only conclusion is that he is a really SICK person and in need of Psychaitric help!!

    Good riddens.. Have a good life!

    Prakruti

  2. neha Says:

    Heartbreaking. Am glad you could gather enough of yourself to pull yourself out of that man’s life. Hope things go better for you. (and worse for him.)

  3. SriPriya Says:

    Hello Sister,
    I remember my trauma was almost same. I can relate myself to you. Sister, please believe in yourself. You are a survivor and yes a woman. You dont need a man. You can adopt children. Many kids are left alone without parents. You can be the best parent. Having a loving parent is a blessing to a child, I am a single parent and I love my little one very much.
    Take care.

    SriPriya
    http://www.asianwomensafety.net

    To Prakruti,
    Yes that made me vulnerable thinking that he will be not happy too in such situation. But he is never changing. He was ordered by court to get help for his sickness for his own kids sake as they deserve better parenting and not get afraid of him. But he refuses help.
    I changed myself and I dont think much of this anymore.

  4. Battacharya Says:

    Dear Survivor: I wonder if you filed for any legal action via American and Indian Embassy so that he would get some attention form authorities. You can also publish his name and your story on the Internet as most employers go through the Search before hiring any person in USA. Do not let this creep live happily ever after torturing your life. My heart goes out for you. have any of seen Burning Bed an American movie. watch it where the abused wife hits back with vengence. While you may not do what she did in that movie but will give you enough courage to fight back as court battles in India are like Maha Bharatha war that never ends and you do need some motivation to survive ALL your court battles. You WILL win and he WILL Lose.

  5. Battacharya Says:

    I read this News item recently which might help to pass it on to your Attorney if he tries to hide in USA:

    http://www.indianembassy.org/pic/prje25.htm

    Salient Points of the Extradition Treaty
    signed between India and the U.S.

    June 25, 1997
    Washington, DC

    The treaty was signed by Shri Saleem Shervani, Minister of State, External Affairs for India and Mr. Strobe Talbott, Deputy Secretary of State for the United States as Hon. Naresh Chandra, Ambassador of India to the United States looks on. Minister Shervani was assisted by Mr. Taranjit Sandhu, First Secretary, Embassy of India.

    Extraditable offenses:

    The offense is extraditable if punishable under the laws in both contracting parties by imprisonments for more than one year or by a more severe penalty. This applies:

    a) whether or not the laws in the contracting state place the offense within the same category of offenses or describe the offense by the same terminology;

    b) whether or not the office is one for which United States federal law requires the showing of such matters as interstate transportation, or use of the mails or of other facilities affecting interstate or foreign commerce, such matters being merely for the purpose of establishing jurisdiction in a United States federal court; or

    c) whether or not it relates to taxation or revenue or is one of a purely fiscal character.

    Extradition shall be granted for an extraditable offense regardless of where the act or acts constituting the offense were committed.

    While extradition shall not be granted for a political offense, the following shall not be considered to be political offenses:

    Murder or other willful crime against a Head of State or Head of Government or a member of their family, aircraft hijacking offenses, aviation sabotage, crimes against internationally protected persons including diplomats, hostage taking, offenses related to illegal drugs, or any other offenses for which both contracting states have the obligation to extradite the person pursuant to a multilateral international agreement.

    Procedures:

    All requests for extradition shall be submitted through the diplomatic channel and be supported by required documents, statements, information describing the facts of the offense, statements of the relevant provisions of the law regarding the offense as well as the punishment, a copy of the warrant or the order of arrest, and such information as would justify the committal for trial of the person in the requested state. For those already convicted of an offense, extradition request shall be supported also by a copy of the judgement of conviction or a statement by a judicial authority that the person has been convicted.

    In case of urgency, a contracting state may request the provisional arrest the person sought pending proposal of the request of extradition.

  6. PurpleA Says:

    What kind of a demand is $25000? Dowry that still exists in each and every part of India. But still nothing has been done about it.

    Money, sex and power….when there is an uncontrollable craving for these 3 desires that crosses the limits, it turns man into a monster.
    This is exactly what happens

  7. PurpleA Says:

    Battacharyaji

    That was informative. Thanks
    Hope the ladies read this and make use of it if ever the need arises.

  8. […] togetherwebond posts a story of an abusive marriage. I reached USA and was taken to our apartment. The first few months passed by peacefully and we very much enjoying our honeymooning phase. Shall I call this the silence before the storm? Then came the expectations. He wanted $25000 from my parents that too to be transferred to his account immediately. Initially I did not comprehend why? […]

  9. Neo Says:

    I can relate to ur xp as there is a personal side to it.

    Kudos you brave girl!!!!!

  10. A Woman Says:

    Everyone

    Thank you for the best wishes.

    I am fine and doing very well in life. Yes, I have taken legal action and things seem under control. Indian law process is very slow and I am also in no hurry. It has been years since he has not stepped into India -which I feel is a punishment by itself since his freedom is restricted.
    The point is no one is stopping him from coming to India—BUT he has fears becuase he is guilty. Let the legal course take its own sweet time. My lifestyle is normal and it does not hinder me in anyway. I never have to attend courts etc. But his family has to and I make sure of that.
    Justice will come for sure and I will take it !! He is a criminal and one day will pay for his sins.

    Once again thanks for the warm wishes.

  11. PurpleA Says:

    Oh great!! Glad he is facing the music!!

  12. […] A blogger at Together We Bond shares a heartbreaking story of a marriage that fails because of the husband’s demand for dowry. “Then came the expectations. He wanted $25000 from my parents that too to be transferred to his account immediately. Initially I did not comprehend why?” Neha Viswanathan […]

  13. Vidya Says:

    Appalling!! There are domestic violence prevention groups and shelters in almost every city in the US.They have support telephone lines to call.Unfortunately this information does not seep in to the level where everyone is aware of these places, numbers and helplines. The reason: While in every city we have Sangams for every language, culture and heritage events I have never seen Tamil Sangams and their like committing time,energy and interest in such causes..This is as relevant to the society as celebrating a Deepavali party..The day we decide not to turn a blind eye (dispelling myths that domestic violence occurs only for the underpriveleged, not among the educated) and look at real things instead of percieved perfections in society things will be much better for everyone..

    As a first step, I think everyone of us reading these experiences should collect the local telephone helplines and post in the stick it on one of those bulletin boards in every Indian grocery store and similar places where we meet fellow Indians.

  14. Mr Ash Says:

    (sucessfully provoked you, it is so easy to provoke you men, in 20 years time if you are able to file something on your ex,, then I will put these comments up. I promise I am saving it 🙂 )

  15. Mr Ash Says:

    (I hope you mean this you your last comments as said by you. Come back in 20 years time. We will all celebrate your success, till then stay in hatred and let us live in love. Gosh even the police is scared of you, do send is your bear like picture I am sure they will assist you in your counter cases in 2 minutes, wat say)

  16. A moron - a S** Gay club member Says:

    (please refrain from vulgar remarks. this is not a gay looser group)

  17. Tara Says:

    This “A Reporter” is a sick guy who under different names post on different web sites, he has been recently kicked out off Ammas . com web site.

    He also has a web site (saveindianfamily) where he claims to be a victim. Dubious characters like these should not only be kicked out of forums but from human civilizations.
    People such as these belong to some other species.

    Now, reading this message this charltan will post under another name as if he has concern for women.

  18. The Sentinel Says:

    Epilogue:
    The wrinkles have appeared, the boobs are sagging and where there was once my fat bank account, I have not a single paise. I am old and my Son Arjun Sanghi and his siff are GAY donkeys. I am missing my money and my dirty son Arjun Sanghi

  19. anu Says:

    You got out of this hell in time. There are women who face a life time of abuse because the thought of divorce scares them, and maybe they have no place to go. I;m glad you did…at least you can put your past behind you and start living again…God bless you.


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