Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Desi Matri Ad Phraseology January 19, 2007

Filed under: Reflections — togetherwebond @ 8:40 am

This is not going to be nearly as succinct as the inspiration for this post but here goes. There are some common themes ( I describe only two here) that run through the slew of ads on desi matrimonial sites. Many of these belong to married men out there to have some fun or separated men who have no idea if or when they will get a divorce. Some are really as they claim single and looking. Irrespective of their marital status, they borrow from a common lexicon to describe who they are and what they seek.

Theme 1 : The woman they seek

What they say : She should be modern and at the same time respect traditional values or Must be westernized but believe in our Indian values

What they mean : Should be able to shake some serious booty while on a night on the town but must like Cinderella at the stroke of the midnight hour turn into the ideal Indian bahu cast in the mould of Sooraj Barjatya heroines. Nothing less will fly with Mommie dearest described as the “best Mom in the whole world” in the “My Family” section of the profile.

What they say : She should like to explore and learn something new or be fun, professional and adventurous or seeking to share “cool” moments with someone energetic and open-minded or looking forward to meet someone with whom I have chemistry and we click on various levels to start a long-term relationship and enjoy the thrills that go with it – holidays, romance, and fun of course

What they mean : The importance of being fun, adventurous and spontaneous in bed cannot be overemphasized. She should be willing to give anal sex a shot with lube of course and shed any and all inhibitions in the spirit of learning something new. After all she needs to realize that she is in competition with thousands of other younger women, tighter women who are eager to travel the distance. This is also known as the great desi male fantasy based on their mostly imaginary sexual prowess. Some phraseology of interest :”open-minded”, “energetic”, “click at various levels”, “fun”.

What they say : Incase you have come out of a relationship then please ensure that you are totally over your ex and prepared to move on with life or please do not bring any baggage from your past and be ready to move on

What they mean : I don’t want to hear about what an asshole your ex was. I feel a sense of kinship with the desi brotherhood. If he acted like a jerk you must have done something to trigger that kind of behavior. Bad mouthing your ex is the best way to lose my attention and interest so don’t even try. If you tell me that you had some great times together I’m going to have to ask to go back to where you were so happy. Why are you wasting my time ? I will whine, rave and rant about my ex until the cows come home simply because I need to work her out of my system.

Theme 2: Who they are

What they say : easy-going, honest, caring, and intelligent or ambitious, dreamy, enthusiastic, introverted or professionally successful but don’t let my career rule my life or I work hard and play even harder or spontaneous, good hearted, confident or have a great outlook on life, ambitious, passionate, kind and generous or I am suave, sophisticated and intelligent. Even after living in the US for 10 years I still remember my Indian roots.

What they mean : What else do you need to hear to so feel its okay to sleep with me in short order ? I am your Mills and Boons hero come to life only I am desi like you to make it perfect.
I am trying to think of all the things that my ex-wife, girlfriend accused me of not having – the bi-polar bitch had no idea what she was talking about.

I am suffering from a major identity crisis even without being an ABCD. My career is non-existent and I the next time I get laid off, I am going to take my side business of screening Bollywood flicks at the local theater on the road. The desi grocery store gig is saturated. I am “caring” in that I care tremendously about making sure that I fully check out the offerings in the matrimonial market and get the best deal.

What they say : I enjoy wining, dining, and meeting new people or I am adventurous and will try anything at least once or I love to travel, explore different cultures, have an ear for music, like finer things in life or I have a sense of adventure and am not afraid to try new things or I have traveled to Texas, Kansas, Missouri, California, Maine, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Virginia, Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, New York, and many countries in Europe and Asia.

What they mean : For the uninitiated these lines result in the impression that desi males have adventuring in their DNA like they were cloned from Macro Polo. In truth, these are filler words used to reach the minimum word count required for the profile to be published successfully. Technically it is possible to substitute all of that baloney with honest to goodness truth which is: “I am an average bloke with no passion or hobbies outside following Indian cricket news online, catching the latest Bollywood flicks ( I tried the Netflix thing and still have a membership), managing my investments and trying to stay employed and debt free in these difficult times. I hang out at the Indian buffet on the weekends and volunteer at the temple to pass the time. “

“I have no plan for my future. I would have gone back to India in a heartbeat but women don’t want to marry men who will not stay in the States. Finally I count the layovers at Charles De Gaulle and Heathrow on my annual pilgrimages to India as visits to Paris and London. My friends have not covered as many states in the US as I have. And by the way pit stops count”

By Heartcrossings –


Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas 2007 January 10, 2007

Filed under: Dowry Menace,Fraudulent NRI Marriages,Legal Issues — togetherwebond @ 11:19 am

The Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas 2007, which was held in Delhi from Jan 7th to Jan 9th has brought some additional respite for the Indian wives who have been ill-treated by their NRI husbands, beaten, tortured and abused in foreign lands.

Women are held enslaved by their NRI husbands in his house, cut off from the world outside or even thrown out in the middle of the cold night with no money or financial aid by their NRI husbands in foreign lands. All of these are some sadistic ways to torture his wife.

The reasons are several… either non-fulfillment of dowry demands, or when the woman questions her husband when she discovers that her husband already had a previous wife, or the husband is a divorcee and hid this fact from her, or he married her only for money and dowry, or the wife realizes the bitter truth that she was lied to that she could work abroad legally. All this creates disputes and the consequences are severe that she is tormented easily because she has no family of hers in the foreign land and is totally at the mercy of her husband.

On Oct 20th 2006, Interpol had issued a record 300 red alert notices to trace NRI husband who were wanted by the Indian government for harassing their wives. This created ripples of fear amongst Indian NRI husbands and sent up a shiver up their spines.

And now the Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas 2007 has already kicked off the New Year with a great victorious commencement for Indian women all thanks to the efforts of Renuka Chaudhury and her infinite supporters. Once again the unity of woman has yielded results. Pravasi Bharatiya Divas aims at bringing the expertise and knowledge of the Indian overseas community to India and integrating it into India’s development process.

On Jan 8th the following session was held at the Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas, Delhi:

Working Session 17 – WOMEN
The Gender Development Index of UNDP places India at 98 with an index of 0.586 (2003). In India, the Gender ratio is 97/100. For 0-6 age group it is 927/1000.

In rural India, on an average, per day, a male casual labourer earns Rs 56.53, and a female Rs 36.15. In urban India, males earn Rs 75.51 per day and women Rs 44.28.

Maternal mortality rate per 100000 live births is 407 in 2001, down from 437 in 1991.
These are figures, which put in sharp relief the need to put quality of life of women as a priority in the development agenda of the country.
This session outlines the priority areas of intervention for improving the plight of women in India, with special emphasis on areas, where the Indian Diaspora can play a part.
Moderator : Anu Aga, Director, Thermax Ltd, and Chairperson, CII’s Women’s Empowerment Committee
Chief Guest: Renuka Choudhury, Minister of State of Women and Child Development
Guest of Honour : Girija Vyas, Chairperson, NCW
Panel :
Sushmita Ghosh, President, Emeritus, Ashoka, USA
Prema Cariappa, Member of Parliament
Brinda Karat, Member of Parliament
Rajani Patil, Chairperson, Central Social Welfare Board *
Renuka Chaudhury is in talks with US and UK officials for changing the existing treaties in order to ensure that Indian laws apply to people no matter where they reside. So that if Indian citizens ill-treat their wives or violate the law, they can be recalled to India. This has sent shock waves amongst all the guilty absconding NRI husbands who are wanted in NRI fraudulent marriages scams.

Marry-and-dump NRIs may face Indian law:

NEW DELHI: For NRIs tempted by the ‘holiday wife’ syndrome, this could be a reality check. Indians living abroad who ill-treat or desert their wives may now have to face Indian laws. The government is in parleys with the US and UK to bring about changes in the legal framework to enable speedy prosecution of such grooms in this country.

Speaking at a session on women’s issues at the Pravasi Bharatiya Diwas 2007, minister for women and child development Renuka Chowdhury said, “I am in talks with US and UK officials for changing the existing treaties between us to ensure that Indian laws apply to people no matter where they reside. So that if Indian citizens ill-treat their wives or violate the law, they can be recalled to India.”

The impact could be far-reaching — the Indian diaspora includes over 16 lakh people in the US and about 12 lakh in the UK.

Chowdhury said an increasing number of complaints have been received from states like Punjab, Andhra Pradesh and Kerala of girls being abandoned or cheated by their NRI husbands. “They (NRIs) can’t just marry and not accept responsibility for their families,” she added.

The overseas Indian affairs ministry has received complaints from about 30,000 women who have either been deserted after marriage or been cheated by the groom’s families.

CPM politburo member Brinda Karat said the number of deserted women in the Doaba region of Punjab alone was about 15,000. She suggested close networking with women’s organisations and community participation as a solution. A formal network would provide background checks on the grooms and a legal framework will help women outside the shores of India. Karat also recommended that officials in Indian missions abroad should be sensitised to these problems.

The year sure has kicked off with an enormous triumphant start already. Hopefully more red alert notices will be issued against these absconding criminals and their sadistic games will come to end soon. They can run and hide like cowards but they will be hunted down. They have to come to India to face music and trial!

The unity of women now will show the world its results.

By Ash


Aid by Indian Govt for NRI wives January 5, 2007

Filed under: Dowry Menace,Fraudulent NRI Marriages,Legal Issues,Matrimonial Conflicts — togetherwebond @ 11:40 am

The Indian government is finally comprehending the pathetic plight of NRI wives who have been conned by their conniving husbands in foreign land. The government is taking concrete measures to curb this and bring some justice and legal aid to these women who have been displaced and abused as one of the immediate welfare measures.

The best part is that the assistance will be provided to NRI women as well as foreign citizens of Indian origin. Hence the women of have taken to US citizenship will also benefit with this aid. Which I think is absolutely awesome.

Govt to help women left in lurch abroad

NEW DELHI 30th Dec 2006: In its bid to assist Indian women who have either been deserted or divorced by their husbands overseas within a year of marriage, the government has finalised a scheme to provide them free legal and counselling services.

The ministry of overseas Indian affairs (MOIA) proposes to introduce this scheme in the US, UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, Malaysia, New Zealand and the Gulf. The assistance will be provided to NRI women as well as foreign citizens of Indian origin.

The ministry will involve credible women’s organisations and NGOs working in these countries and give them financial assistance to the tune of $1,000 for every woman they assist. The organisations will be expected to provide documentation and initial work for legal proceedings and counselling for the deserted woman.

“The objective of the scheme is to provide free advisory and legal services to women of Indian origin in distress as a welfare measure. Legal services would be provided by a panel of community advocates through credible Indian associations and women’s organisations,” an official said.

The scheme, firmed up at a high-level meeting in the ministry, will cover women deserted in India or overseas within one year of their marriage or divorce proceedings initiated by the husband within one year of marriage. Legal aid will also be provided if there is an ex-parte decree of divorce or annulment of the marriage is obtained by the husband and a case of maintenance or alimony is required to be filed.

Ministry officials said the proposal would be circulated among Indian community associations by the missions concerned for information and publicity and sent to women’s groups and NGOs inviting them to apply for impanelment under the scheme. The applications received from women seeking assistance will be examined by a committee in the ministry. Based on the scrutiny and approval of the ministry, the cases will be recommended to the missions for giving assistance to women in distress.

The government’s decision to put in place the assistance mechanism comes in the wake of increasing number of complaints of Indian women who opt for NRI marriages but are abandoned or ill-treated by their husbands.

This is a wonderful initiative taken by our government who has realized that all is not hunky dory in the foreign land. All that glitters is definitely not gold. I am sure several abused women will benefit from this assistance.

By Purple A