Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Ten Signs April 2, 2007

Filed under: Management,Reflections — togetherwebond @ 11:17 am

Reading the tell tale signs of commitment phobia in women was no epiphany for me. I have almost all of them and generally suspected that I have a great fear of getting into a bad situation – once bitten, twice shy and all that. Of the ten on the list, I identify most strongly with 4,5,8 and to some extent with 3.

1. You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate.
2. You go from one short-lived relationship to the next.
3. You have a habit of dating “unavailable” men.
4. You consider your married friends’ lives boring and think they settled for less.
5. You stay in relationships that are rocky and offer little hope of commitment.
6. You back out of plans at the last minute and have trouble setting a time for dates.
7. You cultivate large networks of friends at the expense of a single romantic relationship.
8. You have a lot of relationship trauma in your past.
9. Your career is very important to you and you often choose work over relationships.
10.You are constantly blowing “hot” and “cold” in your relationships.

Several of my girlfriends who are single moms in their 30s, do not really intend to remarry or even want to be in a long term committed relationship. Interestingly enough these seem to be goals they appear to be pursuing with some zeal or so they tell themselves. After much talk about commitment, engagement and the like, there is almost always a compelling reason not to take the final plunge.

Their twelve year old would get all confused with two dads competing for turf and attention, they are not emotionally ready to start a new family complete with another child plus thirty seven is too late for motherhood anyways. They can’t deal with another bunch of in-laws. His ex is shrew and he’s not fully over her yet. Finally status quo is safer more certain territory – why fix something that is not broke ?

It is common for these women to be surrounded by a bunch of likeminded girlfriends. They hang out with the gang making it difficult for the interested man to break into the clique, test the waters of the dating market tentatively at best, fully prepared to withdraw if it gets too complicated. Marriage no longer has any special significance to them mainly because their desire for motherhood is fulfilled.

It would seem like a man is useful only for purposes of procreation and quite disposable thereafter. This is not to minimize the pain that these women have been through in their marriage and relationships but it does seem that attaining motherhood acts as the deal breaker for a relationship already on the rocks.

Having achieved a new lease of life and a second shot at being single (and this time in no rush to marry) they no longer find it conceivable to settle for less, to cut corners or compromise in marriage. The dread biological clock factor no longer forces precipitate decisions. It also helps that men are so abundantly and readily available for short term flings.

The attitudes I speak of are more commonly seen in the west though the women in question can very well be from the east. I am sure as divorces become more common back home, women there will feel a lot like their sisters in the west. In a society that accepts their marital status (or the lack of it) so effortlessly, they are able to discover the distinct advantages of their circumstances and make the most of it. The combination of motherhood, unbridled freedom and not needing to adjust and compromise at every turn outweighs the value of the “married” tag for women who have had to pay a high price to come out of one.

By Heartcrossings-http://www.heartcrossings.blogspot.com/

Advertisements
 

4 Responses to “Ten Signs”

  1. Prakruti Says:

    I think I constantly test waters and then feel the strong urge to back off!! I comply to most relationship demands so as to not ruffle any feathers.. but keep an eye of the exit (what would be my reason to get out of it at the back of my mind). Thats a bit like blowing hot and cold..

    Good read and makes me feel perhaps in need of some introspection..
    Prakruti

  2. PurpleA Says:

    I find it hard to accept but I am very tempted to sometimes go for option number #3.

    And I definately feel that my stupid cousins settled for less and I was the only bold one to step out and SAY openly that I will not settle for anything less.

    It is all about playing with FIRE.

  3. Tannu Says:

    Option number # 3 goes well for me. You bet—no doubt.:)

  4. 498 Says:

    (Very sorry to hear MR 498 that your butt is itching after spending 5 days in jail as a 498a convict. Must have been bad with bugs getting you 🙂 )


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s