Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Need Help September 24, 2006

Do you have marital disputes, are you a victim of domestic violence, does your husband torture you, does he demand dowry, is your husband having an extra-marital affair, is he threatening you with a divorce, does he beat you up, do your in-laws physically abuse you for want of dowry, is your SIL & BIL harassing you, are you abused on a daily basis, are you divorced or recently separated and require help???

If you need to share your feelings and need emotional support, do send in a detailed email with your contact numbers & address to our yahoogroup.

Upon receipt of the email, verification will be done and thus you will be given entry into the group, where immense help will extended to you from several perceptive women in the group.

We are altruistically committed to ending your mental stress and providing you all the support from women who have experienced the same ordeal a few years back. Therefore they can empathize with your condition and give you some of the best advises, support, guidance and assistance.

We are a self-help group and are dedicated to ending all the violence & atrocities against women, women who are part of abusive marriages, women who are victims of dowry demands and torture, and thus making them lead a better life.

If you are divorced or separated you shall also make several friends within the group, in whom you will find a lasting bond & friendship for life.

You are not alone, We are there and therefore Together We Bond

 

32 Responses to “Need Help”

  1. sanihitha Says:

    hi everyone,
    i am in a big confusion now and i would like to seek someones advice.my in laws are planning to take my kid to india and they r strong about that decision and my husband is also saying the same thing. if i say a word about it,they will start torturing me my saying bad words,scolding my parents.i cant take that anymore and i dont like sending my son to india.so please help me how to stop my son from going to india,without my involvement.

  2. Iturkarp Says:

    It is clear where you are residing and where your husband is residing . Thus, I will answer as follows:
    Your in-laws are no body to take your child or intrude in your life, that too in a foreign country. You need to seek legal advise and also manay foreign countries have free advise on domestic abuse. Check with yellow book or any telephone books in any country to find and call them. I hope you have economic independence, i.e.e have a job to stand on yoru own legs. You also shuld seek help from authorities locally to prevent taking your child away. Most Govt authorities will take up your case on your behlaf and do the necessary filings in the court. You may develop a strong grounds as to how your child would be affected by moving to India say, diseases, bad neighborhood, unhealthy food & surroundings & lack of your motherly love. It is wise for you to seek a divorce now than being hurt emotionally & physically later. There is no remedy except a divorce from a thirs rate uncivilized in-laws & husband except a divorce & clean break up. May God give you the strength to seek a divorce right now. Good Luck & best wishes

  3. Iturkarp Says:

    I searched on the Internet and the following websites would give you some information on protecting your kids & save yourself from abuse if you live in USA

    http://www.ndvh.org/

    http://www.childabuse.org/
    http://dcfs.co.la.ca.us/

  4. PurpleA Says:

    Sanihitha

    No in-laws can take your son away from you. Period.

    Get up and fight for him.

    It is not going to be easy, but the choice is yours.

    If things are still out of control, call one of the orgs listed on this site for help. They will offer you the best unconditional help and will assist you to resolve your issue.

    Also our group has many single mothers who have fought for the custody of their children. They will offer you some of the best action plans.

    Good luck

  5. Manasi Says:

    “”I read the article relating to NRI marriages fraudlent” Would the article help me my case?Are there any laws that have be implemented in such a situation?I would like to brief my situation and as per that can you suggest me how to go about this difficult situation?
    I got married on 24th Dec 2004 to an NRI residing in US and who is currently on H1B visa.After getting married to him,i joined him US and we were together in US till June 2006.In June 06 he send me to India saying that he will be coming to India by Dec 2006 and take me,as per his words he never turned up.So i decided to go and meet him in US,i did so.But then after coming to US i came to know that he has filed for Divorce Complaint here in US (State is PA), im not ready to take the Divorce.Is this Divorce Decree valid in India.Can he get remarried in US after getting a divorce in US?Plz help me coming out of this situation?I need some legal advice.
    Manasi

  6. CTP Says:

    Guys like Jay and Kay are all over the Internet. Infact I think there is now a secret society of these people. They just search for sites like these and post nonsense just to distract some good healthy thoughts on forums such as these. I have a good example of the ‘saveindianfamily’ guy who posts on many indian forums about women often degrading them.

    I am not saying jay or kay is wrong, may be he is right, but jay or kay this is not the place for you, go hunt somewhere else. This site has been dedicated to women who have been abused by so-called men, diteched like animals and tortured to their bones. Now they are finding some solace here, dont try to rob even these forums.

    To Web Site Cordinator: Best way to ignore these wolfs posting under different aliases (sometimes showing fake concern for women) is to delete there postings – or use registrations.

    CTP

  7. Kiran Says:

    CTP, you are right. They come here only for one reason, they are starved of female attention. Thats cool is it not? Their helplessness is apparent. If they apologise I am sure every wife will forgive their husband.

  8. shima sadia Says:

    nice to see a site which is at least a hope,i am also a victim of holiday marriage,my husband gave me divorce within 6 months of marriage,and just by living 15 days with me in india.
    name of my husband is mohammad ziadi khan,a software developer in australia sudney,with fox symes and associates,he live there with his sister at 149,kingland road,regents park sydney.and in india they belong to chandigarh sector 47.
    we saw his ad in TOI,he came with his parents to see me,then and there marriage was fixed and his mother says we want cash but did’nt tell their expected amount,my father is old retired man,we gave good receptin to baraat made heavy expenses and gave 5 lakhs,but as i reached chandigarh i came to know they are unhappy as they expected at least25 lakhs and jwellery for mother and sisters,and started torturing me,he and his mother torcherd me alot,and after 15 days he went away promised me that he will call me in 6 months but after meeting his paret demands,then his mother tortuchued me,i smelled her plans that as we were unable to meet her demand she could kill me and announce it an accident,i called my brother and he took me back home,then my husband cancelled my spouse visa and being muslim misused the word talaaq,and sent me throgh net.we filed a case,but nothing happened he is happily living and working there,but my life has gone into darkness,thogh govt prints alot to help but no rules are formed yet,i think they fool us,please give me the address where to contact for help and to punish this person.PLS HELP

  9. Purple A Says:

    Dear Shima

    It is very sad what you have endured. But I am sure you are one brave girl. Kindly join the group above and you will find alot of fine ladies ready to listen to you and offer suggestions. Take care and enjoy!!

  10. Shobha Says:

    Hi Shima Sadia,
    It was very nice, am very happy that you came on this platform. Our group is lot inspiring and very helpful. Please come to our yahoo group and all our lovely members can be of great help. You are never alone we are always with you.

    Love,
    Shobha.

  11. Shivani Says:

    what would one do if there was no dowry given, but a real good reception of baraat happened (spent 4.6 lakhs), and in-laws and husband are mentally and emotionally torturing the woman? i need help pls guide me.

  12. Situ Says:

    (cut it out and get lost)

  13. Situ Says:

    ( comon be a MAN, why are you lingering on women sites. Sex starved huh? )

  14. Shivani Says:

    haven’t seen response to my query. pls reply.

  15. Radhika Says:

    Shivani…get out of the marriage and seek legal help, join the group.

    Good luck.

  16. Vanita Says:

    Shivani

    I would say to try to talk to the husband and try to make him see sense.

    But if he does not understand, then leave him and go your way.

    Physical and mental torture is ILLEGAL and a CRIME as per the Indian court. Pick your choices.

  17. Shivani Says:

    Radhika, i had applied to yahoogroup 4 days back but my membership not approved by moderator yet. Does it take so long to respond to a call for help?

    Vanita, thanks for responding. I only wish i get out of this mess now.

  18. Radhika Says:

    Shivani…
    Its very unfortunate that there are many many women just like you and a lot men are just using women names and loginin the groups into so just be cautious to be safe you are not alone. We get thousands and thousands of calls evry day after day. Dont be disheartened with delay in the moderators response. It takes time to get approved. Meanwhile keep your emergency contacts handy for you to get out of the mess.
    Email is the only way for our group now and no phone line. Pls check the volunteers if anyone can help out.

    Take care.

  19. Shivani Says:

    Thanks for responding Radhika. If it was easy for people to press the emergency contacts then there was no need for them to seek help. Men impersonating as women should not lead to putting harassed women at greater disadvantage. I don’t understand how is that preventing the group from helping women in distress. I log in so many times with great difficulty only to check if some help is forthcoming in terms of advise, and everytime i feel disappointed when no response is in sight. The postings in this blog were a ray of hope but i think i need to tolerate more nonsense from my in-laws until i receive some tips or advise from the group on how to tackle these dirty minds.

  20. Prakruti Says:

    http://www.helplinelaw.com/docs/indian%20law/consultation-chember.shtml

    Hi Shivani, there are some websites that offer online legal help. I have added the link to one of these. I suggest you seek professional legal help and no one seems to know the answer to your specific question.

    All the best
    Prakruti

  21. Shivani Says:

    Prakruti, thanks for the link. I also feel that any specific questions should be put across in a closed group only. I wouldn’t want to put those issues in an open blog like this one, that was the reason i applied to yahoogroup. The ABOUT page on this blog had led me to apply for membership there, but didn’t knew that it would not be approved. Are there any conditions to be met for approval? If there are then please list it on your blog and the group, so that women like us know the correct procedure to follow.

  22. Prakruti Says:

    Hi Shivani, I really dont think there are any special conditions, as far as I know. However, may be the moderator/administrator is away or not available for some reason.
    Prakruti

  23. Deepa Says:

    Yes Prakruti, our moderator is away. It will be good if Shivani checks all our member profiles and their blogs and try all the links, from her postings she herself is not sure what is that she need help with? Hope she reads all our posts, after reading all the posts i cud not go back. This has bring lot of awreness around the women. Yes we are not alone, many women were victims just becuz of such impersonators, ofcourse internet is not safe always.
    Seeking help is the first step and please note even before some help comes to you, you will have to helpout yourself. Just becuz access is denied to a closed group its not the world is lost. Members can give email on the blog and may be you can get connected to other members if they pick your mail.
    It happens sometimes its really hard to go into live women groups esp women becuz of all the safety issues.

  24. Jay Kay Says:

    Hey ladies,
    No improvement in life. Same 498a not heading anywhere, RCN posters all over…..corrupt Indian Police/Govt/judiciary useless… Doesn’t help much., me or you. I would prefer going forward as an eligible bachelor… Anyone out there for me ??? I am kinda suprised, you ladies you enjoy remain bachelor throughtout your life (waiting of X’s to come back… while you enjoying 🙂 ???

    I am Inquisitive & I am there ! Best, Jaykay

  25. JayKay Spy Says:

    Ladies I would like to expose the real JayKay and his piteous plight. He needs help, please help him.

    Following is his SOS message

    “Hi All,
    I need some feedback on couple of things after going through RTI site…. Appreciate reply. I don’t understand the 2 items below from the RTI website…..

    1. What is not open to disclosure? (Does this mean that RTI could be refused on the grounds below ?)
    information which would impede the process of investigation or apprehension or prosecution of offenders;
    information available to a person in his fiduciary relationship, unless the competent authority is satisfied that the larger public interest warrants the disclosure of such information;

    2. Bar of Jurisdiction of Courts :(does this mean that no action could be taken with this info ?)

    No court shall entertain any suit, application or other proceeding in respect of any order made under this Act and no such order shall be called in question otherwise than by way of an appeal under this Act.

    Now coming to my case….

    1. My dad was arrested without any reasoning or questioning on 498a & Sec IV of Dowry prohibition act.
    2. Filed for squashing FIR and still pending in Madras High Court, but got interim stay.

    Questions:

    1. Will this stay prevent RTI since chargesheet is not done yet by the police ?
    2. Judicial magistrate remanded my dad for 23 days. Can RTI be addressed to the court as well ? Is corrupt magistrate excluded from this ?
    3. If RTI comes with some inappropriate stupid or trivial reply, can it be used during the FIR squashing trials? (I though such reply could be a bonus for the trial)
    4. If Squash fails & court recommends charge sheet, will police show their vengence on we using RTI & create more problems in chargesheet ?
    5. RTI form asks to provide information on the case and also talks about damage compensation. How do we address this ? Just ask for some 15 20 lakhs, how does this work???
    6. My dad is planning on meeting with the lady police bitch who arrested him and asking her what prompted her to do this. He thinks that by talking with her and conveying our side of the coin, she might make the charge sheet if done, light than being too rude. Will this help in any way ?

    Please reply within the questions and also pro’s & con’s on using RTI.
    Thanks everyone for help.
    JayKay

    Vowww…..he is really screwed in the ass and how is he gonna help himself leave alone anyone esle?

    well atleast we have a valid passport and are FREE and FREEDOM is all that matters. You got it wrong we are happy that I screwed your life totally , as you deserve it for the sins u committed. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  26. JayKay Spy Says:

    You dad was arressted…toooo bad. Not mine. Looks like you are enjoying still, well hope your dad is arressted more times and forever.

    Does anyone want to hang out with Jaykay whose dad spent time in the prison and had his ass pounded?

    If yes, volunteers are welcome. Please note only ladies in USa can apply and not in India and the reason his Mr Jaykay cannot travel to India as he is a convict on the run.

    So ladies in USA please oblige. He is desparate since his dad had some free pleasures.

  27. Sameer Says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen,

    Poor guy, has no face to show.

    This is the state of criminals, parents in jail, and son is on the run. No one is spared no one. For every bad deed life makes you pay , no matter what age, gender or caste.

    Check is old father, even he had to go to prison, take the whip hard. Young age or old age, prison treats you the same!

  28. Woman Says:

    This is the beauty. My ex is still doing the rounds of courts. I got my divorce and I am already re-married with one 2 year old child. I count my blessings.
    It has been 4 years now since he is doing the rounds of courts, meeting lawyers and has crossed 35 already with no children. For all the torture he has inflicted on me, the same he has to endure. Life comes a full circle. My husband is very supportive, trusts me, loves me like a true partner and supports the truth.

  29. ruchika Says:

    i am mentaly abused by my husband and in laws. they r now asking for my passport which i have not given. i am on H4 and donot have legal work permit here. situation is so bad for me that i will have to move out of my husbands house anytime. Can i get legal workpermit here? Please guide me how to approach for Legal seperation.

  30. madhvi Says:

    Dear Madam,
    My name is madhvi bhardwaj; i am 32 year old married female. I got married in 2002, and year 2003 my daughter was born. In July 2005, my husband was relocated to NJ (USA) on three year deputation from his company.
    My married life was not very good from the beginning there were some incidents of bad and abusive behavior from my husband but i did not took them very seriously thinking these are initial adjustment issues.
    When i was in India i was working with a computer firm as engineer, since the starting of our marriage – my husband always use to take away major part of my salary.
    Once we moved backed to US in July 2005, after 1 month time my husband behavior become more and ruder towards me, initially i had no work there as i was waiting for my work permit to come, so somehow i passed the time. After two months, i got a job offer which was work from home but was in night shift, i started the work, when i received my salary again this time my husband took it from me. He never supported me in any household or outside work and i was managing my work at night shifts along with my 1.5 yr old daughter during the day at that time. He use to drink heavily almost everyday after coming from office and he become more violent and abusive towards me without any apparent reason. I was addressed with bad mouth words, In 2006 situation become so badly that one day around mid night i ran away to my neighours house as he hit me and my daughter. I told him that i am going to inform police if he doesn’t change his conduct towards us. Then he kept quite. But I and my daughter were deprived of any basic amenities; we were confined to a room in the house. Finally, one day when he was in office i managed to escape from house with the help of my one of the old acquaintance (he also booked tickets for me for India as i had no money). When i reached airport along with my daughter my husband called and pleaded us to come back and promised not to behave badly with us. I trusted him and came back home – but only after few weeks the same violent episodes were repeated on ongoing basis with me. This went on till July 2007. Then as our 3 yrs tenure was coming to an end so i told him in need to go back to India to get admission of our daughter for formal schooling. On hearing that he bashed me on me, i was told if i want to go i have to pay for the tickets and he will not bear any expenses whatsoever. So finally with little money which i had saved hiding from him i used to purchase tickets for myself and my daughter.
    My daughter got admission in school and returned to US in Nov 5, 2007, though i we were suppose to go back to India again in the month of Feb as our visa was expiring on 28th Feb 2008. My husband forced me to sign papers for extension of visa (he was on L1 status and he wanted to go for further extension of 2 yrs), When i refused to do so, he thrashed me very badly and also threatened to snatch away my daughter from me. So i had to sign the papers, he took my salary and booked tickets of Canada for visa stamping.
    In feb , just one day before when we were suppose to go back to NJ after visa stamping , he came drunk heavily in the hotel room and pushed me on the bed and squashed my neck , he told me i am a prostitute and he told same to my child also. My daughter got very scared and she tried to save me and as a result she was also thrown on the floor. I got injury in my back and fracture in my left had finger as a result of his physical abuse, then i told him – if he don’t leave us i am going to call police right now , he got scared and left us also.
    We came back to NJ same day , just day after tomorrow i had a flight to India so i called my neighours and old acquaintance and asked them to help me because i had a confirmation that my husband he won’t let us leave the country. Finally i managed to leave the country with my daughter. After i reached India it has been six months, my husband had not sent us even a single penny for me and my daughter any of the expenses. I filed a case here in India with women cell – initially i was told by his relatives (2 married sisters) that he will come back soon, but since then he is absconding , not responding , not sending any financial support for both of us. I am trying to get back my Jewellery which is in his locker (in India in his name) and his relatives are making fool around. For the past 6 years of marriage he had snatched away every single paisa i earned and now both I and my daughter are left like this.
    I don’t know what to do , i am self sufficient and self capable women but i have been thru a very rough ordeal and i feel cheated and i want to fight at least for the rights of my daughter. I don’t know if you can help me in anyway in this case, i don’t know how I force him to get back to India and pass thru the process of justice so that we can get our rights.

    Thanks
    Madhvi Bhardwaj

  31. RAM Says:

    hello sir

    I am ram. here is my question i have one sister we done marriage according to indian tradintion. My brother in law is us h1b visa holder he dont want to take my sister to us and his famiy numbers are demanding so much of money but we are not in a postion so those of reasons he did not want to take her to us. Now recently we filed a case 498a on him and his family nos i want to cancel his us visa is its possible and how it will be please explain me the process of that and i want to send some court papers to that visa holder how can i get his address please explain me
    thanking you

  32. Robin Horton Says:

    It is not just Indian women that Indian men abuse and use. I am an American citizen and married a man from Punjab. Only to learn years later that I was his only way to become legal in the U.S. by applying based on marriage to a USC. The 245i just happened to come available and he forced me in duress, using my kind heart and good nature with his family’s sob stories.

    I should have seen the signs, but I married and tried to make a go of it. I have left him several times but he can be so kind, convincing, and always apologetic for his abuses. After 2 years of physical abuse and fear I stood up, then the abuse changed to financial and emotiona. I gave birth to a very sickly child and I was forced to be a stay at home mother and care for our son.

    I found out recently that the person I married and have recently divorced is not real. He used a fraudulent name and date of birth to enter this country illegally. If anyone here can help me track his identity in India, Punjab my son and I would be forever appreciative.

    He has sexaully assaulted my daughter from a previous marriage, harmed his own son and for what he has done to me that I will let God decide. My concern is for the safety of both my children more importantly our six year old son. He has threatened me repeatedly to abduct him to India. My country has no jurisdiction in India and the Indian Government has told me “That they would not honor an American Custody Order, Either parent has a God given right to return to India and rasie their child.” Our son is still very sickly and will be all his life. My own State Dept. say “No child ever abducted to India has been recovered without parental agreement.” Please Help ME.

    If I can link him to his real identity I can get him prosecuted and put in jail where men like him belong. His mother applied for fraudulent political asylum and I didn’t even know it until we were married 2 years. Everything about him has turned out to be a LIE.

    There are days I can barely get out of bed. How could I have been so stupid. My stupidty has placed both my children in harm. There is little justice in this country. If the cost of prosection is to great or they must expend to much effort to prosecute it does not happen. I beg of anyone to help us.

    I can be reached at 717-761-3547 or email me at robinhorton1962@yahoo.com

    He went to college for one year in Bangalore but I do not know which college.


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