Together We Bond

You are not alone We are there and therefore Together we Bond

Hey is your phone ringing?? March 12, 2007

Filed under: Dowry Menace,Fraudulent NRI Marriages,Legal Issues,Matrimonial Conflicts — togetherwebond @ 10:10 am

Being a frequent visitor of moia and ncw sites, recently I came across something interesting that is damn good news for Indian women deserted by NRI men. Point to be noted…more applicable to the notorious class of NRI men on H1 visa who are famously infamous for the huge racket called Fraudulent NRI marriages. NRI fraudulent marriages.

This bit of superb news is something that will hit them so hard that all doors will be closed on them now. They have been cornered already by the red alert notices and more now with the following:

Go on and read here for all the details :

Welfare of Indian Women Married to NRIs/PIOs

38.10: The Committee was told by large sections of the Diaspora about the need to prevent abuse of Indian women married to NRIs/PIOs. We strongly recommend that a special cell should be created in the proposed new organization to handle Diaspora issues with the mandate to assist in the provision of free legal counseling for the families of girls contemplating marriage to NRIs/PIOs. Such families should be advised to check the voter or alien registration card of such NRIs/PIOs, their social security number and tax returns for the preceding three years. The bridegroom should be asked to given them an affidavit stating his current marital status. That document should be attached to the application for marriage registration. This should be mandatory prerequisite to the issuance of a marriage registration certificate. This procedure would considerably bring down cases of misinformation and fraudulent marriages. The Committee has drawn strength from the Supreme Court decision in the case of Smt. Neeraja Saraph vs. Shri Jayant Saraph, where the court had suggested the need to consider legislation safeguarding the interests of women. It has suggested three specific provisions namely,

1) No marriage between an NRI and an Indian Woman, which has taken place in India, may be annulled by a foreign court

2) Provision may be made for adequate alimony to the wife in the property of the husband both in India and abroad

3) The decree granted by Indian courts may be made executable in foreign courts both on the principle of comity and by entering into reciprocal agreements like section 4A of the Civil Procedure Code which makes a foreign decree executable as it would have been a decree passed by the court.

If the above comes through and is implemented, then any scope or fancy desire to remarry subsequent to unceremoniously dumping the Indian wife and that also after gulping a big fat dowry, will now only be a desire that will cease to exist.

Because India is NOT going to accept divorces that are granted in foreign land. With that the NRI man can forget about the alternative to remarry in this lifetime.


The objective of the scheme is to provide some financial assistance to needy women in distress who have been deserted by their overseas Indian spouses for obtaining counseling and legal services. The term “Overseas Indian” would include NRIs and foreign citizens of Indian origin.

The NRIs on H1s and their heinous crimes are being uncovered everyday, and more aid is coming for the Indian woman harassed/tortured in foreign land.

The holiday marriage syndrome that came with a fat dowry is nearing its painful death. I can visualize the H1 dowry-seeking culprits now calling their wives and pleading her to return. Ever since the red alert notices have been declared, the pleadings have increased. Needless to say with this scheme, it is going to happen twice as more. As it is no ADCD woman gives the time of her day to even glance at the H1 man who dips his tortilla chips twice in salsa (yikes). And why will any other sane intelligent woman marry a guy who is not legally divorced and ask for trouble!!

With no option of remarriage in India, the only option left for the NRI man and his cult is to call back the wife, seek forgiveness and beg her to come back.

My estranged half is calling me non-stop and trying to strike a deal with me since the past couple of months.

Hey….is your phone ringing?? Check it out 🙂

By Kiran


Revel in Womanhood March 8, 2007

Filed under: Poems — togetherwebond @ 11:12 am

Revel in Womanhood

To wipe away that errant tear
To soothe away those fears
To tackle the biggest problems
With lending eyes and ears..

To come up with a plan
To live life the best one can
To drive away the fears
With that cosy tuck of comforters..

With that piping hot cup of tea
When life was so weary
To that delicious meal
Served also with love and care and zeal!!

My thoughts are with all of you (women) today..
May life treat you the very best way
and offer you all the treasures
that you so gladly give away!!!

By Prakruti

Happy Women’s day to all of you wonderful women out there. Cheers 🙂


Relationship Patterns March 1, 2007

Filed under: Reflections — togetherwebond @ 7:26 am

After much soul searching and unnecessary heartache I think I might have finally come an understanding of the pattern and MO of my past relationships. I have a stadium sized ego cushioned for comfort with a several layers of pride. With that combination, I had for the longest time imagined that my life’s purpose was to take on a man who looked and acted like a train-wreck and “decorate” his life as beautifully as possible. No lesser challenge was good enough for my larger than life sense of my own greatness. I had no interest in any man who wasn’t desperately in need of being saved. I am sure there is an official nomenclature for my condition but whatever it is, sure as hell it is painful to live with.

Like they say, if you want something bad enough in life you end up getting it. I was blessed with the kind of man I sought not once, not twice but thrice. That is what it took for me to understand the fatal flaw of my ways. One marriage and two significant relationships repeated the self same pattern. The first two times, I at least had the discernment to know that I was dealing with men who were completely out of the “normal” range in all respects most notably in raw intelligence.

They managed to awe me with their brains to the point where the train wreck started to look like a thing of unsurpassable beauty. So, there I was head over heels in “love” or more accurately in high alert mode to stage the rescue that would free these very deserving men from their constricting circumstances and propel them to the heights they belonged.

R was in my mind C-level exec material languishing in a low end IT drone job that insulted his intelligence every day. It was my mission to set him on the right career track so he could make CXO before 35. I set to work in sober earnest while our marriage was still in honeymoon mode – its a whole different thing that R wanted that to be the permanent state of our marriage “no staleness, no boredom, no sameness” was his mantra. But I digress. I am glad to report he is almost there, just a year behind schedule with every chance of making the grade in short order. I am vain enough to imagine that he could not meet the before 35 timeline because we are no longer together.
Malhar, my first significant relationship after calling it quits with R, was doing almost as well as he should have career wise so there was not much I could bring to the table. What a crushing disappointment that had been ! Being that he managed mergers, acquisitions and such other arcana for a living, there was precious little I knew that could further the cause of his career. But there was a role for me in his life. He was a rescue-worthy project beyond the shadow of a doubt.

His two adorable little boys need a mother just like me because their own mom was too self absorbed to be there for them. Apparently it would be love at first sight between me and the pint sized brats and J would fit right in the mix. In a matter of weeks he had proselytized me to accepting the blended family as the ultimate Utopia. Up until then, my position had been “it will be a cold day in hell before I get into a his kids, my kids and their kids situation”. Apparently with Malhar coming into my life, hell had frozen over quite nicely.

Then there was “the great Indian novel” he was working on. It had been a work in progress for a few years at the time of our meeting. His passion for it was akin to mine for J when I was pregnant with her. I could easily relate. I knew at once that I could help push it out the door and God willing with cryptic a dedication like “To the beautiful sea shell that washed up to my shore one summer” on its flyleaf a Putlizer might have “washed up” as well. I thought he had what it took. In other words, I was suffering from fantastic illusions of grandeur.
We parted ways too soon for any of that to happen but he persisted with me via anonymous phone calls for a whole year after he was officially “with someone else”. Our breakup had been nothing short of hysterical as can be imagined. What with my life’s grand design being taken away and handed over to someone who was my exact opposite in every way. How did that make any sense ?

What did that giggly cow in Wal-Mart couture know about uses of iambic pentameter in expressing feelings of love and loss. In hindsight there was significant jealousy in pronouncing that verdict upon the over-endowed but bland looking new woman in Malhar’s life. Now here was a man who had shown impeccable taste in marrying who he had the first time around. She was smart, charming, stylish, sophisticated and had versatile interests. The fact that she was doing great professionally was only an interesting side note. Did I mention she was quite a looker ? The man had everything going for him.

Post ex, he may have done better than the Wal-Mart coutured cow he choose to be his lawful wedded second wife. To his defense Malhar would say as he often did to me “You are like Jolt cola. I want to be with a woman around whom I can relax and just be myself. I don’t always need cerebral stimulation and I don’t want to keep up with someone like you and worry about what might happen if you got bored”

So with cow firmly tethered to the post he threw little baits my way to see if I would bite. After a year he gave up and just settled into what I imagine must be perfectly bovine domesticity. I imagine a placid couple sitting on the couch, chewing cud and watching Hindi soaps on cable TV. While I can’t see myself in that frame of reference neither can I picture Malhar in it – he just wasn’t the type. I felt a great sense of solidarity with his ex who like me lacked in “bovinity” that Malhar sought in a wife.

The third time was not nearly as dramatic as R or Malhar. H was smart enough but not nearly in the same league as R or even Malhar. He looked as train-wrecked as a man might look like if after five years of marriage the wife on the pretext of going home for a vacation, just flies the coop. But other than that he was reasonably if not somewhat dangerously normal.
But then what I find normal would intimidate most people. So a couple of months into this “vacation” that was happening back in India, H tries to find out when she may be returning home to which she responds “Never”. Any other woman in my shoes would have panicked enough by this point to consider running as fast and as far away from H as she could. Not I. I soldiered along knowing in my bones, that I had landed myself a mega-project truly worthy of my greatness.

So what if R and Malhar could not recognize my potential, our friend H would surely not miss the obvious when it stared at him in the face. I liked the quirky sense of humor, the passion for all things dangerous, the vigorous work ethic not so much the fact that dinner was often two slices of bread with “Kannadiga gun powder” for spread accompanied by Kamchatka Vodka or Rum and Pepsi.

Just for the record, I am health freak and one major bone of contention between R and me was our dietary preferences. For those who ask “Then why ?” I would answer that a worthy cause is worth the supreme sacrifice. With me in his life, H would magically be weaned off his drinks and gravitate of his own free will to Odwalla carrot juice. I just know these things to be self evident despite all evidences to the contrary from past experience.

There was so much work ahead that I could not wait to get started. H needed to be rescued from the ghosts of the past, the closet full of his wife’s clothes that he held on to for close to two years saying all the time “The purge will need to happen”. That was aptly dramatic for me. It came as no surprise that he dated this woman long distance when they were both in India and his phone bill ran to forty five thousand Indian rupees in a month. On their first date, he drove 20 kilometers to the nearest pharmacy to buy condoms because she said she had gotten in the mood. I was as impressed as I needed to be. It did not bother me that the same woman lost interest in sex even before the ink on the marriage certificate had dried.

This was clearly a go as far as I was concerned. Before I forget to mention, his divorce was not yet granted when we met. It was in the works in India pending the seal of the judge on papers they had signed and the Domestic Violence laws had just been passed. This was getting to be more challenging by the minute and all the way up my alley. Neither R or Malhar had come with some many challenges. Every once in a while H would send me links to articles on mental health and its relationship to marital happiness. I would read them out of curiosity and wonder about their relevance to our situation. Surely, he did not think my mental health was lacking.

According to him, his wife suffered from chronic depression and he did everything in his power to help her. Even after she locked herself up in their bedroom with the biggest kitchen knife threatening to kill herself he persisted with her. Loyalty and grace under pressure scores big with me ergo H was a keeper without a question.
Breaking up with H was a long drawn out and tedious process not in the least because I was loathe to see a life time opportunity of being a man’s savior go to hell in a handbasket. To his credit he maintained dignified silence to the end but I felt drained emotionally because he just was not letting go in the mind. While we had reached logical closure in the relationship, it had to end in a symbolic way for us to be fully freed of each other.

Thanks to H, I have come to realize that a man suggesting we could meet inside Victoria’s Secret while quaint and quirky may be not necessarily signal a chance of life long marital bliss. Offering to buy me a toy of choice so the waiting for “the one” was not so onerous may be more than a friendly gesture of concern and perhaps needs to be viewed as such.

By Heartcrossings-


Better & Lighter after 30 February 19, 2007

Filed under: Entertainment,Management,Reflections — togetherwebond @ 12:04 pm

It is always a delight to meet like-minded women personally from the same walks of life and with whom we interact frequently on the internet. We have so much in common from our past that when we met this weekend, it was no coincidence that we shared similar likes and dislikes, tastes and had the same views on life and the same status, the most sought after cherished status: SINGLE. Oh yaaaa…most of us have had to go through an ordeal to achieve this treasured status (once again).

All of us were in sync that life only begins after age 30. There is something special to it, which only when one has achieved the 30 can perceive.

I will give a practical example: When we travel from India to USA and if are overloaded with extra baggage then the airport attendant asks us to do away with certain kilos from our total baggage weight. And there at that point, we start deciding what to take and what to discard. What we discard is excess baggage. The excess baggage that we can do without and we don’t need. The excess baggage that we can comfortably be without. And at age 30 most of us have gladly discarded our excess baggage and we are thus lighter and carry only the vital stuff with us i.e. our zesty attitude & freedom.

And now for those who have not understood what I mean, well when you turn 28 or 29 and feel burdened, trapped, harassed, tortured and depressed, it will dawn 🙂

So….some of us fine ladies decided to meet and paint the town red this weekend with our antics. A weekend of fun and frolic and naughtiness. We met at a common place and stayed the night at one friend’s home closest to some hot spots, happening places and clubs here in the east coast. The snowfall from earlier this week and the cold weather created the perfect ambience for the eventful weekend. A bunch of 30 somethings have a lot to speak and share. Adventures galore…!! We brunched and dined and had some fine red wine. And in the night we partied until the wee hours of the morning. Being the Valentine weekend there was no dearth of single men who considered themselves blessed (oh yaaaaa…) when we obliged to shake a leg with them.

I suggest to all members in their cities to meet up, socialize and chill. As Prakruti says too “Life is lovely, if you know how to live it!!!”

No doubt life gets only better and lighter after 30. Got it???

By Sripriya


Loneliness or LOVELINESS!!! February 8, 2007

Filed under: Management,Reflections — togetherwebond @ 12:12 pm

The decision to break a marriage is a serious one. There are many important considerations-love, family, kids, finances, living, life itself!!! Post divorce solitude is something that most women dread. Is it better to have a wife battering, disrespectful, mama’s boy, kind of guy in your life or not to have anyone at all…. is sometimes the question. To all those women out there struggling to find an answer here are a few tips…

Well lesson number one……

Like yourself and your own company, irrespective of whether you have a nice hubby or not. This is the best gift you can give yourself and the results are great. I can promise you there will be a time when all you want is a couple of hours with yourself.

How can you do that?? Well, a friend told me once, if you break it down, every individual is made up of MIND, BODY, HEART and SOUL. Each one of these has its own needs. The mind needs peace and calm, stimulation of intellect, seeks knowledge and wisdom. The heart seeks gratification of emotions; love, sympathy, understanding, compassion, and needs to both give and take. As long as your feelings are genuine, don’t shy away from them. Don’t worry about the future, sometimes we all do, will this last, will I always feel like this etc. Take the moments of happiness that come your way, as long they don’t hurt some others. Don’t neglect your body it has needs too. Take care of it, you have only one life, feel beautiful and you will be beautiful. Luxuriate in your bath and paint your toenails and don’t forget to exercise and eat healthy!!! The soul has its needs and we tend to recognise its mystic musings late in life. At least I didn’t feel it even existed before. Meditation helps you connect with life itself. True bliss I am told comes from the soul and not the body, mind or the heart!!! Yet to see it happen though!!

There is no doubt that a beautiful relationship can completely transform your life. The writer and Poet Khalil Gibran said about love…

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

So if you find love take it and then be open to its highs and lows…the laughter and the tears!!!

Sometimes we neglect the value of having a driving interest in our life- a hobby if you like….music, song and dance, cooking, gardening, stitching, a sport, anything that truly refreshes you and makes you want to do more, better and new things in your area of interest!! I was so terrified of water and finally learnt to swim only a few years back. But I took an advanced course after the beginners and find that I completely enjoy it. A trip to Goa is so much more different now after I learnt to swim!! So there goes, if there is something you would like to try, do it now and do it for yourself!!

I have been divorced for over a year now and the first few months were devastating. But with time and help from friends and family and my kids, I am truly enjoying the freedom and the independence and peace!!

Life is lovely, if you know how to live it!!! 🙂

By Prakruti


Indian Marriage Stamp–is YOUR passport stamped? February 2, 2007

Filed under: Dowry Menace,Fraudulent NRI Marriages,Legal Issues,Matrimonial Conflicts — togetherwebond @ 12:13 pm

It is getting better and better for us and tougher and tougher for all the NRI men who have all these years been sadistically enjoying the “holiday syndrome”, its benefits, its perks and the free fat dowry that comes with it. The process of marrying a desi naïve girl, grab the dowry, and dumping her will soon be a thing of the past. It is time to face the law of the land. HOW? The lady that he marries needs to have passport her stamped with the details such as date and place of marriage and most important WHO she has married which will provide her legal sanctity in the foreign country where she can prove (if the need arises) that she is the legally wedded wife and not visiting for tourism purposes.

All those sly NRI men who claim that they want to marry a desi girl to retain the culture…crap crap crap and once they marry, receive the fat dowry—what they actually seek, then in no time desert and dump their wives viciously. Numerous such NRI men who have committed these heinous acts are now absconding, in fact several of them have gone into hiding ever since the red alert notices were issued. Several of them have legal trails waiting for them in India but refuse to come to face them, and ironically still claim to be innocent!!!

Newly wedded brides from India must insist on having their passports stamped and also check the background of the boy, research his family background from his neighborhood. The WCD suggests once the marriage has taken place, the bride and her family members must be adamant on registering the marriage.

The suggestion has been received with some resistance from NRI men. WHY? What is there to be afraid of? Why are they nervous? Are their intentions not clear? Are their thoughts not honest? Do they have surreptitious cunning motives? What are those? Marry and dump? Seek fat dowry? Dump? Marry again? Again seek dowry?

Well well….. time to get the passport stamped where you can boast of being part of sacred pact called – Marriage!!!…..Ahhh…..Indian Marriage 🙂

Details are as follows……….

NEW DELHI: Indian women who marry NRIs will now get legal proof of their wedlock if the government has its way.

The ministries of women and child development (WCD) and overseas Indian affairs are pushing for a mandatory certification of marriage on the wife’s passport.

A substantial number of Indian marriages are not registered and therefore do not have legal sanctity.

This makes it easy for NRIs to desert or abandon their wives or withhold alimony on the pretext that the marriage is not legal.

Under the proposal, the WCD ministry wants a stamp on the woman’s passport certifying that she is married and not merely leaving the country for tourism purposes.

The proposal was discussed at a recent meeting between WCD minister Renuka Chowdhury and overseas Indian affairs minister Vayalar Ravi.

The WCD ministry had suggested last year that registration of marriages be made compulsory but it met stiff resistance from the law ministry.

“We are still demanding that marriage registration be made mandatory for all religions, at least in states where NRI marriages are incre-asing. But till such a legislation comes through, we are also looking for other options,”a source said.

The ministry is also planning amendments in Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code which details mental and physical cruelty against a wife and reasons for desertion. “We want to strengthen the Act,”the source said.

The government will also work on pacts with other countries to get husbands who have abandoned their wives in India deported.

The ministries are keen to harmonise legislation with countries like US and UK – that have a substantial Indian diaspora – so that Indians would be tried under Indian laws.

The impact could be far-reaching – the Indian diaspora includes over 16 lakh people in the US and around 12 lakh in the UK.

Officials said an increasing number of complaints were received from states like Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Gujarat, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Kerala of girls being abandoned or cheated by their NRI husbands.

The complaints from residents of Punjab, Haryana and Delhi deal with abandonment, abuse, unmet dowry demands and lack of awareness while women from south Indian states like Andhra and Kerala are taken to the Gulf on the excuse of marriage only to be pushed into prostitution or forced to work as housemaids in pathetic conditions.

By Vidhya M.S


Desi Matri Ad Phraseology January 19, 2007

Filed under: Reflections — togetherwebond @ 8:40 am

This is not going to be nearly as succinct as the inspiration for this post but here goes. There are some common themes ( I describe only two here) that run through the slew of ads on desi matrimonial sites. Many of these belong to married men out there to have some fun or separated men who have no idea if or when they will get a divorce. Some are really as they claim single and looking. Irrespective of their marital status, they borrow from a common lexicon to describe who they are and what they seek.

Theme 1 : The woman they seek

What they say : She should be modern and at the same time respect traditional values or Must be westernized but believe in our Indian values

What they mean : Should be able to shake some serious booty while on a night on the town but must like Cinderella at the stroke of the midnight hour turn into the ideal Indian bahu cast in the mould of Sooraj Barjatya heroines. Nothing less will fly with Mommie dearest described as the “best Mom in the whole world” in the “My Family” section of the profile.

What they say : She should like to explore and learn something new or be fun, professional and adventurous or seeking to share “cool” moments with someone energetic and open-minded or looking forward to meet someone with whom I have chemistry and we click on various levels to start a long-term relationship and enjoy the thrills that go with it – holidays, romance, and fun of course

What they mean : The importance of being fun, adventurous and spontaneous in bed cannot be overemphasized. She should be willing to give anal sex a shot with lube of course and shed any and all inhibitions in the spirit of learning something new. After all she needs to realize that she is in competition with thousands of other younger women, tighter women who are eager to travel the distance. This is also known as the great desi male fantasy based on their mostly imaginary sexual prowess. Some phraseology of interest :”open-minded”, “energetic”, “click at various levels”, “fun”.

What they say : Incase you have come out of a relationship then please ensure that you are totally over your ex and prepared to move on with life or please do not bring any baggage from your past and be ready to move on

What they mean : I don’t want to hear about what an asshole your ex was. I feel a sense of kinship with the desi brotherhood. If he acted like a jerk you must have done something to trigger that kind of behavior. Bad mouthing your ex is the best way to lose my attention and interest so don’t even try. If you tell me that you had some great times together I’m going to have to ask to go back to where you were so happy. Why are you wasting my time ? I will whine, rave and rant about my ex until the cows come home simply because I need to work her out of my system.

Theme 2: Who they are

What they say : easy-going, honest, caring, and intelligent or ambitious, dreamy, enthusiastic, introverted or professionally successful but don’t let my career rule my life or I work hard and play even harder or spontaneous, good hearted, confident or have a great outlook on life, ambitious, passionate, kind and generous or I am suave, sophisticated and intelligent. Even after living in the US for 10 years I still remember my Indian roots.

What they mean : What else do you need to hear to so feel its okay to sleep with me in short order ? I am your Mills and Boons hero come to life only I am desi like you to make it perfect.
I am trying to think of all the things that my ex-wife, girlfriend accused me of not having – the bi-polar bitch had no idea what she was talking about.

I am suffering from a major identity crisis even without being an ABCD. My career is non-existent and I the next time I get laid off, I am going to take my side business of screening Bollywood flicks at the local theater on the road. The desi grocery store gig is saturated. I am “caring” in that I care tremendously about making sure that I fully check out the offerings in the matrimonial market and get the best deal.

What they say : I enjoy wining, dining, and meeting new people or I am adventurous and will try anything at least once or I love to travel, explore different cultures, have an ear for music, like finer things in life or I have a sense of adventure and am not afraid to try new things or I have traveled to Texas, Kansas, Missouri, California, Maine, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Virginia, Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, New York, and many countries in Europe and Asia.

What they mean : For the uninitiated these lines result in the impression that desi males have adventuring in their DNA like they were cloned from Macro Polo. In truth, these are filler words used to reach the minimum word count required for the profile to be published successfully. Technically it is possible to substitute all of that baloney with honest to goodness truth which is: “I am an average bloke with no passion or hobbies outside following Indian cricket news online, catching the latest Bollywood flicks ( I tried the Netflix thing and still have a membership), managing my investments and trying to stay employed and debt free in these difficult times. I hang out at the Indian buffet on the weekends and volunteer at the temple to pass the time. “

“I have no plan for my future. I would have gone back to India in a heartbeat but women don’t want to marry men who will not stay in the States. Finally I count the layovers at Charles De Gaulle and Heathrow on my annual pilgrimages to India as visits to Paris and London. My friends have not covered as many states in the US as I have. And by the way pit stops count”

By Heartcrossings –