Sitting by myself on a quiet and introspective evening
sipping hot tea in a tea cup holding many memories..
I feel a sense of peace and well being wash all over me..
Nothing to worry… for this moment at least..
then…
Memories come creeping in…as i struggle to surface from their hold
tangible, nostalgia, sweeps me off my feet
of warm caring, of tender desire, love filled moments
Of wanting and being wanted and being second to none
How bright my world was filled with sunshine..
not a cloud on the sky got the sun in my eye..
oh the nearest thing to heaven that I’ll see
the words of this song echoing in my being!!
How could it go so wrong, how could it all be over..
This bitter feeling is still tinged with regret
of longing for what it was and could have been
to grow old beside the only one that ever mattered..
I try hard to recreate this feeling again
as if clutching to a final straw to regain
atleast an essence of what is lost for ever..
but this is such a SHAM…
Should I break free???
By Prakruti
Together We Bond 
The poem is beautiful….I have read it several times already.
It is your words and thoughts coming from you, but the same is also my feelings.
It is so strange that somewhere in some other continent another being (you) writes something —
which is a reflection of both our thoughts.
But you know what I say…
……Thank God I have memories of our wonderful times where I still remember him with love and appreciate the precious moments shared together.
Hi Purple A. This is feeling I struggle to express always and its even more difficult for anyone even close to me, to comprehend. somewhere our thoughts touched each other ..and I thank you for your understanding..
Prakruti
Hi Prakruti,
Your poem is wonderful.
Take care.
SriPriya
Hi Sripriya
Thank you. Wish you all the very best too and most of all courage and perseverence.. Have you heard of the serenity prayer..
God, give me the strength to change all that I can and to accept the things that I cannot and give me the wisdom to tell the difference..
Prakruti
Yes I love the serenity prayer and thats what I am doing. I cannot change other person but I can change me. I am doing it brick and brick. I understand it takes a long time healing.
Thank you and lots of love to you too.
SriPriya
http://www.asianwomensafety.net
Sach kehte hai log ki pyaar na kar
Pyaar to hai ek rog burra , is rog se dar
deewaano ki kismat mein to tanhayi hai
isqk ka dooja naam to yaar judaai hai
Way to go….
Hi Neha..thanks for the poetic wisdom…
as a counter point..
Nadhi Jheel Sagar se rishta na jodna..
laharaon ko atha hain yehan wahan chodna!!
Beautiful….
I also loved my husband but so little is said now. These days it is the 2 of us staying in the same house only because of our child. Otherwise there is no reason. I wonder staying together as strangers is worse or staying separately is worst!! But life has to go on.
Neha,
You have a lot of talent in you. I can understand your great love for your kid. But do you know your beloved kid is watching you the creators/rolemodels Mom and Dad also and learning some different negative lessons. I really understand God made us all Moms and Dads but when it comes to such different thots, I suggest its better to live apart and still love your loving kid. Life is very much beautiful when we do not live as strangers. So sister please come out of your shell and enjoy the happiness. Give you kid the positive lesson. Take care. God gives all lovely blessings to you.
Love,
SriPriya
http://www.asianwomensafety.net
Memories of Yesterday…
Should I break free???
By Prakruti.
While I appreciate that your poem is very nice, I see you are gripped by a sense of sadness and re-live the unhappy past memory to make it seem like a great memory under some form of denial. While I am not a shrink by any stretch of imagination, I empathize with you as most of us are in denial on past “mistakes” under the premise that we do not make mistakes as we are very smart and not gullible, second, we wish that the spouse, if only changed a little bit would have made our marriage the best as reflected in most romantic novels and movies. Only in movies the Man changes to be a good man freeing him from being a drunk, or a womanizer or a gambler. In real life, I have never seen any one changing like that that they show in movies and become a nice man in India. In Western countries, some men do change (small percentage) because both couples go to “marriage Therapists” as they want to make their marriage work, it being the domineering, male-chauvinistic husband or the angry-man husband or the control freak. But in India, this never happens because, there are very few Marriage Therapists & the husband & the society at large believes that it is normal to suppress, oppress and depress a woman in marriage and treat her as a slave for all practical purposes as if that is the norm. Thus, I sincerely feel that you need to break free from these past thoughts they go to
Yes you need to break free. I am sure you are already free & broken free to reach and unleash your full potential.
Prakruti, you are a wonderful, brilliant person and may I suggest the following tip, I learnt as to how to move on with your life and forget the past “mistake”?
How Do I Stop Dwelling on Mistakes?
Hockey Player:
I play junior A hockey and we get many scouts that come to watch us. I find when I make a mistake I keep dwelling on it and my game just goes downhill from there, also when the coach yells at me if I make a bad play the same things happens. Any advice or techniques I can use to help get over this hurdle? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Dr. Cohn’s Answer:
It appears from your question, that you are afraid to make mistakes in front of scouts and thus when you do make one, you dwell more on the mistake. In order to play your best, stay focused on one pass at a time, one play at a time, and one rush at a time. If you start to think about the past, you are not into the game in the present moment. You need to learn how to catch yourself immediately and refocus on the present moment or play. A hockey player must master this basic mental skill.
I use a simple method to help get back on track when off-task. This is called the “Three R’s” for refocusing on the process: Recognize—Regroup—Refocus.
1. The first step to changing behavior is to RECOGNIZE faulty thinking. Here you recognize that you are thinking about the mistake (“I’m focusing on the past right now”). So you need to submit, you made a mistake in marrying a person who may not be a monster but not compatible to you any more. Thinking how it would have been if he remained so loving like he was 20 years back etc is wishful and wasteful thinking.
2. The next step is to interrupt the faulting thinking. REGROUP by distracting yourself to stop the chain of thought (“Stop thinking about the past that won’t help you right now.”). You may distract with many goals in your life, either career, further education, having other friends and if needed a Boy Friend or a Companion (I know some of you would pounce at me to lead us into the discussion of western & eastern culture of dating, Romance etc. I am just giving the various options that you enjoy doing it.
3. The last and most important step is to REFOCUS on the task in front of you. You can do this by asking yourself a simple question: “What do I need to focus on RIGHT NOW to better my and my kids’ life?” This may be either your education or searching for a job to support is you were depending on your husband or ex-husband, so far in life or furthering your career goals. If you have kids, focus your efforts & energy on them & their future than crying over spilt milk on the ground.
The purple patch of the green memory has faded away Prakruti;
The sun has set finally into eclipse of dark clouds forever
Wake up for the dawn, to smell the roses again-
To fly through the sky with your off springs
You have miles to go and oceans to cross;
For your are the Judge and the Jury to create your Destiny;
Because you are destined to succeed…
I am not sure if I make any sense:-)
Hi Iturkarp! (BTW I do realise that this is prakruti spelt backways..)
Thanks for the words that are supposed to sound encouraging…but sadly they do NOT inspire me at all!! The fault is not yours though but all mine.. All the ladies who empathise with me truly UNDERSTAND my feelings.. You do not. (not blaming you.. but just pointing out a fact)
So I try to explain…
It is sometimes not POSSIBLE to move on..on an emotional level…although you make it sound like I am holding on to those memories its just the opposite..they are holding on to me. And another clarification.. I do NOT hope that something miraculous will happen and my ex will suddenly turn a new leaf. I am not so naive and foolish. Practically speaking me (and many others in this group) are doing what you say.. recognise..regroup and refocus already. Most of us are focussed and successful with our jobs and careers are good parents and friends and colleagues etc… and we do so with love and pleasure for the kids.
But longing, yearning and missing someone does not necessarily follow any logical ‘programmed’ sequence of events and cannot be labelled as FAULTY THINKING..If this were so, we could wipe off all painful memories from our minds ..It is most natural to grieve the loss of a loved one. Loved one meaning one you loved (not one who loved you).
If you are in a position to constantly focus only on the positive and have erased all painful memories you had..then hats off to you.. But then again.. Remember..its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. and love like that takes to up to the peaks of happiness and also down to depths of despair..!!
Thanks for you advise and I am sure there are many who wil benifit from it..
Prakruti
Dear Prakruti: (BTW I do realize that this is Prakruti spelt backwards..)You got this right!
· I do agree all the ladies who empathized with you truly understand your feelings. You need not exclude me from that list. I tried to go beyond that level to suggest some remedial measures, which I realize now, is not much value to you. But I hope it does serve some useful purpose to those who read this website postings.
· Of course, I do not or did not write my suggestions or comments for the writers like you exclusively, but for those observers who peek in to hear what we all discuss in these forums as they all are in such situations one way or the other in their life. I was one such observer (that is a better term than over hearing) who stumbled on this website few weeks back [and on my way out.]
· By talking about our grief we do get some form of solace. As long as the grieving process does not affect our current day-to-day life, we would all be fine. I had no intent to hurt your bruised emotions, but find some ways to forget the past without dwelling on it forever and move on to the next stage in our lives. I agree I have failed in my attempt in your case.
· But if you find that I hurt you or any one with my comments, I am truly sorry. I assure you have not hurt my ego, even if my words are not encouraging or useful.
Best Wishes